President’s Ear
– peace is a call away
As a series of devastating terrorist attacks are waged on American soil and the citizens of a nation in shock looks to their Government for reassurance, word publicly gets out that one of the embedded terrorists is negotiating a defection directly with the President's wife in return for the violence to stop.
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Whose the protagonist and whose the antagonist in this film? It seems that your logline is centered on time and place more than people, try centering it on the people involved and their conflicts with each other. Let the war drift to the background as it is the setting. Is there anything ironic to the conflict, like is the terrorist an American who was once friends with the president (if he is the protagonist)?
When the USA is held to ransom by a series of terrorist attacks, the Presidents Wife must negotiate for the terrorist leader’s escape, if peace is to be restored.
(I’m guessing the First Lady is the main character?)
Thanks for both your comments. This script is only outlined at this stage. Your advice helps to take a clearer run at this.
-Joey
It’s too long. The first two lines aren’t needed. Or could be greatly compressed. Do we need to specifically state it’s American soil? Aren’t almost all terrorist attacks devastating?
But the main issue I have is it’s unclear who the protagonist is? The only person mentioned is the President’s wife, but it’s written from the point of view of the citizens of a nation.
Also, while it’s clear what’s at stake, there’s nothing to indicate what’s stopping the negotiations. I guess negotiations like this are never easy, but if you could mention something specific it would help imagine the story and give it something interesting to distinguish itself from the all the other political thrillers out there.
Wow, you like them wordy don’t you.
“Needing government reassurance in the midst of homeland terrorist attacks, citizens are shocked when an inside leak reveals the First Lady is negotiating with an extortionist to stop the violence.”
Better, but still too much emphases on the “shock” and not enough on the action.