Logliner
Posted: 2013-06-21T09:24:29+10:00 In:

As A test subject escapes the clutches of a pharmaceutical giant. Using her powers she must rescue her lover and defeat a patient who's power exceeds her own, her brother.

Rayne

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    11 Reviews

    1. Obscene? Surely not.

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    2. Penpusher

      Im the student Alex P Smith Karel is the teacher ……Just quoting the Segers recipe………..LOL.A***

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    3. Penpusher

      Ale P Smith …….Hi moved things around added a time constraint and a emotional context…………Hope this helps as ,I see what this Loglines development……A****

      When a obscene female human guinea pig volunteers to test a new pharmacutical, she discovers the company is killing the subjects, now sympathetic she has 1000 hours before the drug kills them all.

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    4. Samurai

      Are you Karel or Alex??

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    5. Logliner

      Work in progress

      “When a perverse woman who volunteered to be human guinea pig
      discovers the pharmaceutical giant is killing the test subjects, she must
      use her new powers to survive and escape with her fellow patients”

      It still feels like something is missing…

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    6. Logliner

      Thanks, Karel.

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    7. Penpusher

      When a frightened pharmacutical lab tester is tricked into mind control, he has 2000 hours to save his sister and brother who are trapped in a time continum before his medication runs out and he is perishes.

      I think it is a bit floury the powers are what…..what are the stakes all the usual logline structural highlight
      weakness
      goal
      stakes antagonist
      why now
      why important
      time restraints

      Karel Segers…………………A

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    8. Logliner

      “When a human guinea pig escapes the clutches of a pharmaceutical
      giant. The company send out their most elite test subjects to eradicate the problem,
      her family”

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    9. Logliner

      Hey guys

      Thank you for the input, will work on it.

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    10. I agree with dpg. I actually see this as a sibling rivalry drama. If it is, then:

      Did the siblings volunteer for the pharma, or was the girl coerced and the brother not?

      Does the brother have a steak in the outcome of the studies? Maybe he is a secret shareholder? And yes, what are these powers? Psychic, physical, biological?

      Was the lover also taken? (Presumably he doesn’t have powers) Does he also have powers, or was he in some control group or group where the subjects are given the siblings’ power, which threatens his life? i.e. why is he in danger? If he wasn’t taken, then what kind of danger is he in and how does this affect the sibling rivalry?

      I mean the way it is, it’s actually two stories: girl gets boy, brother and sister work out their differences – or not. Potentially interesting either way.

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    11. Singularity

      When a human guinea pig escapes the clutches of a pharmaceutical company, she must… she must….

      Well, I can’t figure that out from the logline as given.

      You got a protagonist, a woman with certain “powers”. Are these powers acquired as a result of being a guinea pig? Or is she a guinea pig because big, bad pharma wants to bottle and sell her hyper-human abilities?

      And who exactly is the antagonist? You seem to have two candidates: big, bad pharma or her brother. Which one is the designated villain? What’s the relationship between the two?

      “rescue her lover” From what? Why is he a stake character? What happens to him if she fails?

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