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Greg_Barnett
Posted: March 26, 20132013-03-26T20:26:56+10:00 2013-03-26T20:26:56+10:00In: Public

As the British retreat during the spring offensive of 1918, an officer – haunted by his lost love – must lead his men into a final counter attack if he is to return home to win her back.

A White Feather

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    2 Reviews

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    1. 2013-03-31T22:41:22+10:00Added an answer on March 31, 2013 at 10:41 pm

      The “win her” is misleading, but I’d suggest the writer means the MC has a chance for redemption with the love he somehow lost. Surviving the battle will be necessary to have the chance to return home and do all that. It sounds like a pretty workable premise to me, from a basic story sense.

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    2. Karel Segers Logliner
      2013-03-27T11:34:35+10:00Added an answer on March 27, 2013 at 11:34 am

      In the second act, this main character must do exactly what he is used to doing: lead his men into battle.
      Interesting stories often have a task that is unusual to the main character. Something they’ve never done before.

      The stakes are great: love and life.

      But I am missing the connection between winning the battle and winning the love. How does this work? Nice metaphor – but how is a victory going to give him his lost love back?

      The wording is problematic, too. By putting “to win her back” at the very end, it sounds like the love story really only starts when he’ll return home: that’s when he’ll have to try and win her back. I’m sure it doesn’t work like this in the script but it is confusing in the logline.

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