The Cast
At a popular theme park the new dancer/actor must try to survive and find the killer when employees begin to disappear and die before she becomes their next victim.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
—–
“When employees begin disappearing at a local theme park, an unpopular new dancer must discover who is behind it, before she becomes the next victim.”
—–
However, Nir Shelter made an interesting point, the investigation should be personal. In a story like this the question is, why does she have to find the killer? Why not quit her job or leave the investigation to the police? Making it personal will answer those questions.
—-
“When her best friend disappears at the local theme park, an unpopular new dancer vows to investigate but risks becoming the next victim.”
—–
Anyway, this attempt of yours was much better than the previous attempts. With a little adjusting I believe you will have it down.
Good luck!
This draft of the logline is a huge improvement on the previous ones, well done!
Only problem is in the structure of the logline. As it is suppose to emulate the structure of the plot in the script best to specify the inciting incident first then character description/flaw then action then antagonist.
And I think Richiev nailed it with his last iteration I would only add a mention of the antagonist to help either raise the stakes at hand or create intrigue.
My try:
After her best friend disappears at the local theme park, an unpopular new dancer vows to catch the mysterious vicious killer but risks becoming his next victim her self.
Hope this helps.
Good suggestions by Richiev and Nir Shelter, but if she’s unpopular how would she have a best friend in the theme park? It seems to me that being unpopular, particularly if she’s a newbie, entails having no friends.
Which is more likely to make her the prime suspect. Particularly if the mysterious murders commenced after she was hired. And evidence is planted that implicates her. So:
When an unpopular dancer is framed as the prime suspect for a series of vicious murders at a theme park, she must find the real murderer to prove her innocence.
(And, of course, in the process of solving the murderers, she puts herself in jeopardy of becoming a victim herself.)
In most movies where there is an unpopular teen, they have a quirky but equally unpopular friend, Mean Girls would be an example.
However in this case the ‘friend’ wouldn’t necessarily have to work at the theme park. In fact the friends death/disappearance could be the reason the lead joins the troop in the first place, to investigate from the inside.
However I wrote two versions of a logline, one with a friend as the inciting incident one without.
thanks everyone for your help and suggestions…this is a great learning tool !
Interesting concept. Use an adjective to describe your lead. What kind of person will begin this journey? Also, if she is dealing with a killer, writing “disappear and die…” is redundant. What is the threat? She is fighting to stay alive.