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crucisis
Posted: July 14, 20122012-07-14T06:40:20+10:00 2012-07-14T06:40:20+10:00In: Public

Back in his small hometown, a famous psychiatrist turned writer has to challenge his beliefs and rationality while struggling with his past demons when he's asked to work with a patient and his long lost friend, Tracy who's charged with murder but claims that her friend time-traveled.

A psychological thriller that questions the fine line between belief and rationality. But I’m struggling with names. Current working title is “Matter of time.” Any suggestions welcome.

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    2 Reviews

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    1. Lachlan Huddy Penpusher
      2012-07-14T11:24:11+10:00Added an answer on July 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

      Whoa, bit of an info-dump here. I sympathise with the desire to get as much across as possible but I think for the sake of clarity and brevity you could lose some length without losing impact. How important is the fact that he’s now a writer? Could he simply be “retired”? And do we need to know he’s famous? How famous do psychiatrists get anyway? Also, can you get away with leaving out the “struggling with his past demons”? Challenging his beliefs and rationality suggests enough of a struggle to be compelling, and mentioning the demons of his past without telling us how they relate to the case is a bit too confusing, I think. Also the last section, about Tracy, is awfully confused. From it I get that Tracy has been gone a while, has obviously returned and is now charged with murder – but is claiming he/she time-traveled. Is that the case? If so, it took a few read-throughs to glean. Either way, it needs serious tidying up. Also, how does the time-travel angle relate to the murder? Is Tracy using it as an alibi, or an explanation as to why it looks like he/she murdered someone? And you say “a patient”. Whose patient? Is it one of the phsychiatrist’s former patients and that’s what stirs up past demons?

      I guess you can tell from the above that, for me, the logline raises more questions about what the story is than it answers. You do get a very basic idea of the story across but it’s too confused right now to work as a logline. There’s obviously quite a bit of info you need to impart and your space is tight so it’s going to be a struggle. You need to drill right down to the bedrock of the story and figure out exactly what the most important details are – what can go and what absolutely must stay. Then re-write the logline. Best of luck.

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    2. crucisis
      2012-07-15T03:32:25+10:00Added an answer on July 15, 2012 at 3:32 am

      Ya looking at it now, I do agree that it’s a mouthful. Will post a new logline today. Thanks for replying.

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