“Only CHERUB agents can unearth the truth. They’re trained professionals with one essential advantage: adults never suspect that children are spying on them.”
Two CHERUB agents are sent to New Zealand to try and find enough evidence to put a gang leader behind bars. This is no ordinary gang leader though – he is an ex-military officer and very professional at what he does: sell drugs. Alex and Jessica (16 and 13 respectively) must befriend the gang leaders kids and gather enough evidence to get him behind bars.
Question: is your script loosely inspired by the Cherub novels or a straight adaptation? In any case, I’m sure you’re aware of the copyright implications.
As I say, I think it’d be illuminating to include the reasoning behind sending such young kids into such a dangerous situation, and the way to do that is mention that their plan is to get close to the gang leader via his kids. Something like, “Two teenage spies are dispatched to New Zealand to befriend a gang leader’s children and gather evidence against him.” Covers who the central characters are, what they’re doing, why they’re doing it and how they’re supposed to get it done. If you didn’t need it so short you could include something on CHERUB – “Two agents of CHERUB, Britain’s child intelligence service, are dispatched to New Zealand to take down a vicious gang leader by gaining the trust of his children.”
Also, is there a particular reason the British intelligence service is interested in this gang leader on the other side of the world? It might be worth including.
I used the word ‘bring’ because a lot of the CHERUB novels have the tendency of ending with the bad guy getting into the worst situation then being arrested by officers or being killed.
Also, I really wan’t sure what else to put in my logline that wouldn’t require some other depth into other aspects I had quickly thought up. If you have any tips I would love to know them.
I myself live in New Zealand. The main reason is because (if you haven’t read the books) CHERUB is based in the UK – Any country governed by the Queen always has preference with CHERUB. Also, it’s a film. If I wanted to write about the Mongrel Mob I would have but the author has already dealt with the typical drunk, bike riding and generally unlovable gang somewhere in America if I recall it properly.
As a New Zealander, it’s odd to see New Zealand in there for no particular reason. Why is it important that this story is set in New Zealand?
Also the only gangs in New Zealand are Mongrel Mob etc (and other crude copies of bloods and crips), mostly Maori. It’s unlikely that any New Zealand gang member has come from a military background, you’re basically raised into these gangs. You’d have to come up with a compelling reason a smart person would join a gang. Making money, maybe?
I don’t know about help “bring” a gang leader behind bars. I get the compulsion to go for something other than the cliche “put”, but I’m not sure if it’s necessary here. Either way I don’t think “bring” works – hit up the thesaurus, maybe? I know I would. 🙂
And is it necessary to spruik the novels they’re based on in the logline? They may be words better spent on revealing a bit more of the story. Can you get in the reason kids are best for this mission – that they aim to befriend the leader’s own children – without blowing the word count? Also, why bother with “young”? Too vague. Your description says 16 and 13 – how about just going with “teenaged”? Nails the audience and provides valuable character info in one.