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Lava0068Logliner
When her daughter is kidnapped at a local convenience store, Midge Phaeton must bring the sex trafficking to its knees, but when she is caught, and beaten to a pulp, she must outsmart the traffickers in order to save her daughter from being exploited or killed.
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In order ?to fund their child’s last chance medical treatment, a couple races across the country to deliver to an unstable drug cartel boss their customised hot rod within 24 hours while evading police and rival gangs.
latest rework, added a more compelling motive than financial ruin and replaced the “must race” by just races. Also as mentioned, the buyer is now an unstable drug cartel adding an extra level of danger.
A reason for the 24 hours could be the birthday of the son of the unstable drug cartel boss. The car is his birthday gift.
Agreed with the above, the stakes and the obstacles are not mentioned in the logline.
I would start it with a description of the bad guys threatening the couple and make it so the threat is what motivated them to sell the car. However, I still don’t understand what’s stopping them, or in other words, what will be their major obstacle.
To avoid financial ruin, a couple must race across the country to deliver their hot rod to its buyer while evading both the highway police and warring drug gangs.
The more interesting question to me is not whether they will deliver it in one day, but WHY would the buyer be willing to pay double for one day delivery.
To avoid financial ruin a couple must deliver their hot rod to the buyer in 24 hours.
If it’s not in the logline, it’s not in the logline…
There may be times when you might hint at things in a logline but elements like conflict (As dpg?points out) and stakes, should be clear from reading a logline.
You should be specific about why delivering the car in 24 hours is a difficult?task, and you should state it clearly in the logline…
Also; Is this a road movie like the ‘Gumball Rally’? where the protagonist?has to drive a very long distance in a short period of time or is this a chase movie like ‘Hit and Run” or ‘Smoky and the bandit? where in order to accomplish the goal the lead must stay away from the bad guy?
In other words, what is standing in the lead characters way?
Changed it to reflect enticing incident. The protagonist(hero) of the story is the hot rod car. This ride is what saves these people’s life. The title of this feature is called American Muscle. The antagonist is the thugs who want the car for themselves and will do whatever it takes to get it. 🙂
So what’s the dramatic problem?? I don’t see any conflict, any tension in this setup.
What’s the inciting incident?? What dramatic problem does the inciting incident create?? Who is the protagonist?? What is the protagonist’s objective goal?