Penpusher
Posted: 2015-09-30T11:47:56+10:00 In:

Bleeding in the middle of a job, a hit woman must fight off a distressed woman for the last pack of tampons, before she misses her marked man.

Bleeding in the middle of a job, a hit woman must fight off a distressed woman for the last pack of tampons, before she misses her marked man.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      One woman could fight for her date, the other for her career breaking meeting.

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    2. Mentor

      Hello,
      this is original and interesting.
      I just can’t see how a feature lenght movie can be built on this – is it for a short movie ? Maybe you can include in the logline what kind of “force” prevent the womens to go to another shop… ?I heard there was a “tampon” crisis in a south american country, this could be a surreal setting for a social satire?movie.

      http://www.theguardian.com/money/us-money-blog/2015/jan/08/tampon-shortage-argentina-foreign-creditors-import-trouble

      I give it a try :
      “With?the tampon?shortage?at its highest, two bleeding womens fights for?the last pack in town”

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    3. Penpusher

      I like the first line, it’s intriguing.
      Woman coming up twice in the same line is tripping me up a bit. (i humbly suggest with all respect) Maybe distinguish each woman so they are unique.
      Maybe mention the period somewhere, i feel like tampons coming up with no context is a bit surprising or maybe confusing, like she’s gonna put tampons on a bullet wound because she’s a hit woman.
      I like the concept though, should be fun to watch.

      With respect.

      DC

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