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Mr.Bonetickle
Posted: September 25, 20202020-09-25T04:21:51+10:00 2020-09-25T04:21:51+10:00In: Comedy

Can a simple minded accountant, even outwit a butterfly, let alone learn something, when he attends a day long workshop on pet zombie care, given by a snide mysterious intellectual snob.

Barney, a late forty year old accountant, goes on a journey through 10 different topics covering the subject of basic pet zombie care, during a day long, one on one workshop. The speaker, Mr. X, is the author of the book, “The very serious subject of pet zombie care, the basics.” Which is what the workshop is based on. Mr. X, a mysterious, snobbish man in his thirties, leads Barney through each of these topics. Only Barney’s obsession with all things magical and the notion that magical spells are “somehow” involved, interfere and distract throughout the day. Barney also prefers to eat a whopping amount of hamburgers, over the day long workshop. Mr. X, a rather vain, intellectual man who believes in logic and science, puts him at odds with Barney’s love of magic and his childlike ways. He tries his best to be professional through out but cannot help to inject his disdain for magic as well as Barney, who he views as a dimwit.

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2020-09-25T15:29:43+10:00Added an answer on September 25, 2020 at 3:29 pm

      If the lead character is smart enough to be an accountant
      I am sure he is capable of doing a one day workshop on zombie wrangling.

      1: Your character should have a dream or goal which makes this class important to him. Maybe he has always dreamed of being a zombie wrangler.

      2: Your story should have recognizable stakes. If he fails what he will lose? Will he… a. get fired, b. fail to reach his dream, c. Be eaten by zombies? What are the stakes?

      3: I would avoid writing loglines in the form of a question.

      This idea is different, a series of pieces I have not seen put together in this particular way before. Forrest Gump meets the Walking Dead.

      So the story is original but I think you might give the logline another try.

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2020-09-25T15:36:00+10:00Added an answer on September 25, 2020 at 3:36 pm

      Here is a logline attempt that gives a distinct goal and stakes to the lead character. I changed some things around in this logline, so your logline will probably end up different than this one.
      ————————————————————–
      “When a salt of the earth farmer uses a zombie slur, the state forces him to pass a zombie sensitivity course, taught by a snooty intellectual, and if he fails, he will lose his farm.”

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      • Mr.Bonetickle
        2020-10-05T21:05:22+10:00Replied to answer on October 5, 2020 at 9:05 pm

        Thanks for taking the time to review my logline.

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    3. Mr.Bonetickle
      2020-10-05T21:16:42+10:00Added an answer on October 5, 2020 at 9:16 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to review my logline. I’ve been thinking about your suggestions and will try to implement them.

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