Logliner
Posted: 2016-06-23T12:23:53+10:00 In:

Clumsy kid learns to dance to stand up to bully and impress bully’s ex-girlfriend at school dance.

Clumsy kid learns to dance to stand up to bully and impress bully’s ex-girlfriend at school dance.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      How is it standing up to a bully to dance with the girl the bully dumped?

      Wouldn’t it make for a better story if he’s determined to overcome his clumsiness and cowardice to dance with the girl in spite of the fact that she is the bully’s girlfriend? (Because he’s in love with her where as she is just the bully’s trophy.)

      fwiw

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    2. Logliner

      It would be better if you made it clear WHY he wants to impress the bully’s ex girlfriend.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      This sounds like a great family romcom, would be better to specify that the MC falls in love with the girl and as a result he must learn to dance, otherwise there is no particular event that starts off the story.

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    4. Singularity

      In the movie ‘ANGUS’ the mean kids, as a joke, rig an election so that Angus will have to dance with the prettiest girl in school (The girl he has a crush on) in front of everyone. He is scared because he doesn’t know how to dance. So in this scenario learning to dance and ‘getting the girl’ sort of go hand in hand.

      I believe you are trying to say the same thing. The lead character must lean to dance, get the girl.

      I would simply try another logline attempt that’s more clear. Maybe add a few specifics.

      Good luck, your story sounds interesting

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