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Helise
Posted: May 30, 20132013-05-30T23:28:00+10:00 2013-05-30T23:28:00+10:00In: Public

(Comedy) What if an old woman found a spaceship in her backyard and the government wants it, but she wants to keep it to help her alien friend!

MOTHER GRACE

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    8 Reviews

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    1. Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
      2013-06-05T02:49:10+10:00Added an answer on June 5, 2013 at 2:49 am

      Thinking to E.T. and 1941, I’m sure that’s an idea Steven Spielberg would love!

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    2. Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
      2013-06-03T06:47:00+10:00Added an answer on June 3, 2013 at 6:47 am

      Hi Helise,

      I think you have a good logline, a nice pitch, and matter to make a great funny story :
      A single-handely mischievous and bright grandma can defeat an entire foolish administration without any problem!

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    3. Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
      2013-06-03T06:29:01+10:00Added an answer on June 3, 2013 at 6:29 am

      Hi dpg,

      Nice pitch!

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2013-06-03T05:44:02+10:00Added an answer on June 3, 2013 at 5:44 am

      E.T. meets Grumpy Old Woman

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    5. Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
      2013-06-03T05:30:10+10:00Added an answer on June 3, 2013 at 5:30 am

      And with the Backyard:

      When the government rummages her backyard to get the spaceship of a nice alien, it should beware of the grandmother who adopted the latter?

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    6. Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Penpusher
      2013-06-03T01:54:47+10:00Added an answer on June 3, 2013 at 1:54 am

      What about this?

      “When the government wants to get the spaceship of a nice alien, it should beware of the grandmother who adopted him”

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    7. Helise
      2013-05-31T21:37:10+10:00Added an answer on May 31, 2013 at 9:37 pm

      Thank you for your help!

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    8. SReyes Penpusher
      2013-05-31T14:31:13+10:00Added an answer on May 31, 2013 at 2:31 pm

      This sounds like a solid story: you’ve already answered the who (old woman), what if they fail (government takes ship – but why is this bad, greed on her part, stinginess, a lovable alien – why does she want the ship?), and the why now (the ship crashed now). So you’ve got all that, just need to cut down the sentence.

      Maybe: “When a spaceship crashes in an old woman’s backyard, she must battle the government to keep it.” Still long sorry. Mainly I think I just want to know WHY she wants to keep it – can take it from there.

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