BEASTS
Cop by day/wolf by full moon. When werewolf police detective Joshua Hobbel is framed for murder, he must accept the beast within in order to stop the human monsters that surround him.
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For your consideration:
When a cursed detective struggling to control his inner werewolf is framed for murder, he must unleash his inner beast to find the true killer or be lost to his curse forever.
Three words shorter,clarifies his dilemma, sharpens the hook.
Thanks Nicholas.
How about this:
As a cursed detective struggles to contain the wolf within, he suspects he is being framed for murder. To uncover the true killer, he must either accept the beast or be lost to his curse forever.
Hey mate – some thoughts on your logline.
Drop the “cop by day, wolf by full moon.” Your audience knows how werewolves work, so you don’t need to include that.
What I know from your current logline is that a detective, who is also a werewolf, is framed for a murder.
I don’t know at all what happens after that (your I.I.). Does he try to clear his name? Does he try to catch the real killer? Both? Does he go on the run? Does he throw in with a bunch of other werewolves in order to wipe out humanity, so indignant is he of what the humans have done to him? What happens after the inciting incident, and what is at stake if he fails? That’s what needs to go in this logline.
Your script may very well infer that humanity are monsters without any help from magical curses, and your hero’s journey may require him to come to terms with his condition before he can complete his goal, but that’s all subtext. Your logline should tell us “werewolf detective with flaw needs to achieve this goal, or else the thing at stake will/won’t happen.”
no worries.
Appreciate your thoughts dude but the script is written already! Just trying to hone the logline. And you will be pleased to know he isn’t framed for his partner’s murder. He actually kills his own partner when the killer steals the silver chains he ties himself up with at full moon. 🙂
True. well since he is that old, how about his off sider/partner?
As a cursed detective struggles to accept the wolf within, his faith in humanity is lost when he is framed for his partners murder.
I think there is a difference between dealing with/living with and accepting.
143 years? wow, you would think he would of accepted his condition by now? 😛
Change the word “control” to “accept” A werewolf can’t control his curse.
All good except a completely different story 😛 He has been a werewolf for 143 years.
I assume the cop is already a werewolf and the i.i is the framed murder.
Him being attacked would make a great i.i! But in doing so changes your story.
Other than being framed how does this relate to the detective? If it’s say the mayors daughter, or his wife? cheating ex wife? Makes it more of a hook for the reader.
I’m not that keen on the “cop by day/wolf by full moon” but it does explain his condition.(If already a werewolf)
my spin…
As a cursed detective struggles to control the wolf within, his faith in humanity is lost when he is framed for his wife’s murder.
Even more refined and more in line with what I was saying:
Cop by day/wolf by full moon. When a cursed detective is framed for murder, the only way he stop the human monsters around him is to accept the beast within.
How about this:
Cop by day/wolf by full moon. When a cursed detective is framed for murder, he must accept the beast within in order to stop the human monsters that surround him.
I hear you about “human monsters” being vague, but really the primary antagonist is his curse. And what I want to show in the film is that humanity can be so much worse than the monster we invent.
Hey Chas
I’m a big fan of werewolf movies! Regarding your logline I’ll make a few suggestions.
*With loglines try to keep the word count from 27-25 words, one sentence.
*Names are irrelevant, unless, of course, it?s relevant to the story. Same with age
*The protag is a detective. How would you describe him, character-wise? Lonely, blind, obsessive-compulsive. A flaw that he needs to overcome in his journey. (his curse maybe?)
*The human monsters that surround him sound a little vague, that could mean anything, pedophiles, murders, terrorist, rapist. Try to give the antagonist a face, or the obstacles more clearer.
Best of luck.