Cursed by an Indian medicine man, a badass rocker must overcome the curse, to find the love of his life.

nedlog:

Okay, the curse and the cause (inciting incident) are need-to-know info in the logline.? That info removes my concern about it being a contrived (aka: deus ex machina) set up.? Now I can see the potential in the premise.

One caveat:? a logline is about objective goals not subjective needs.? About what a protagonist intentionally seeks, not what he unintentionally learns.? Because while the protagonist always? wants? some objective outcome to his struggle, for darn sure he never wants to face up to and overcome his subjective problem.? Not initially.? At the time he fixes on his objective goal as a result of the inciting incident, he’s essentially clueless, in a state of denial, that he has a subjective problem he must? confront and resolve.? In drama as in real life, a character never faces up to his personal problems until he realizes there’s no other option if he wants to achieve his objective.

So the question in my mind is:? as a result of the curse condemning him to have to walk, what becomes his objective goal?? What destination is he walking to (because he can’t rider there)?

(And as an ironical touch, have you considered having his surname be ‘Walker’?? So the Indians forces him to live up to his surname.)

fwiw

What is the curse?? What incited the medicine man to curse him?? The logline needs to be more specific on these details.? What is so? “badass” about the rocker — what is the character flaw that earned him the curse?? And what his his m.o., his game plan, for overcoming the curse?

And for that matter, why must there be a deus ex machina? plot gimmick in the form of someone who curses him?? What isn’t his character flaw sufficient ground in itself? for the cause of his dramatic problem?