The Time Journal
"Dillon's brother, Seth, dies ten years earlier and Dillon goes back in time to become friends with him and save him." Copyright
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Why does he wait 10 years? Why didn’t he go back sooner? What’s the plot trigger, the inciting incident that compels him to go back in time?
And what does “save him” mean? Save him from mortal death — redo the past? Spiritual damnation in the afterlife? Or…?
Why does he wait 10 years? Why didn’t he go back sooner? What’s the plot trigger, the inciting incident that compels him to go back in time?
And what does “save him” mean? Save him from mortal death — redo the past? Spiritual damnation in the afterlife? Or…?
8. I like kccarmea?s version but then it makes it a bit too vanilla. Why would I want to watch this? What kind of conflict will this film contain? I?m also curious about the genre. Is this a thriller? Comedy? Either one should have some kind of antagonist that would make this story more compelling.
8. I like kccarmea?s version but then it makes it a bit too vanilla. Why would I want to watch this? What kind of conflict will this film contain? I?m also curious about the genre. Is this a thriller? Comedy? Either one should have some kind of antagonist that would make this story more compelling.
Died not dies as it is past not present.
Why did the MC decide to go back now and not a year ago or a week after the death?
How does time travel link to the main plot of saving the brother?
Consider Back to The Future, Marty time travels to back in time as a result of the danger Doc Brown puts himself in. He then needs to time travel to the future to save Doc Brown. With out the initial danger there would be no inciting incident for the MC and no driving (pardon the pun) goal.
Hope this helps.
Died not dies as it is past not present.
Why did the MC decide to go back now and not a year ago or a week after the death?
How does time travel link to the main plot of saving the brother?
Consider Back to The Future, Marty time travels to back in time as a result of the danger Doc Brown puts himself in. He then needs to time travel to the future to save Doc Brown. With out the initial danger there would be no inciting incident for the MC and no driving (pardon the pun) goal.
Hope this helps.
It’s a little confusing. He travels back ten years to become friends with his brother? The question “why aren’t they friends”? jumps me out of the story. Don’t make the reader ask questions you don’t answer.
I got the impression (this is when readers make bad assumptions) that perhaps 10 year younger brother doesn’t recognise him. I don’t think 10 years is enough to pull off that trick. I may be completely wrong, but your logline isn’t selling me on it.
Perhaps how he dies would stop me asking or thinking the wrong things. It would also hint towards genre. Is he murdered, dies in a car crash etc…
Perhaps rather than become friends. You phrase it in a way that describes brotherly love. I have great friends, but they are not my brother.
Also it is tradition not to use names unless it is part of the story, as in Billy the Kid. A name has different meaning to different people, even across cultures. There are names in Australia that have no meaning whatsoever outside my country and names from other countries that bring a childish grin to an Australian.
I like time travel bits. I hope this has helped.
It’s a little confusing. He travels back ten years to become friends with his brother? The question “why aren’t they friends”? jumps me out of the story. Don’t make the reader ask questions you don’t answer.
I got the impression (this is when readers make bad assumptions) that perhaps 10 year younger brother doesn’t recognise him. I don’t think 10 years is enough to pull off that trick. I may be completely wrong, but your logline isn’t selling me on it.
Perhaps how he dies would stop me asking or thinking the wrong things. It would also hint towards genre. Is he murdered, dies in a car crash etc…
Perhaps rather than become friends. You phrase it in a way that describes brotherly love. I have great friends, but they are not my brother.
Also it is tradition not to use names unless it is part of the story, as in Billy the Kid. A name has different meaning to different people, even across cultures. There are names in Australia that have no meaning whatsoever outside my country and names from other countries that bring a childish grin to an Australian.
I like time travel bits. I hope this has helped.
I would tighten more and lose the name “Seth”
A man goes back in time to prevent his brother’s death.
I would tighten more and lose the name “Seth”
A man goes back in time to prevent his brother’s death.