Drown
jamesmichaelPenpusher
DROWN is a hard hitting feature film about bullying andhomophobia. Three surf lifesavers on a big night out. jealousy, homophobic fears and unrequited lust culminate in a tragic booze-fueled episode of near-fatal bullying.
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Yes, please let’s shine a blinding light onto bullies and their homophobic pals, but… this logline doesn’t tell me there’ll be any redeeming moments, some light relief from the obvious ugliness. I’m not saying the world of bullies and homphobes is flower-strewn, but to sit in a cinema for 90 minutes and be assaulted by ugly, depressing pictures – without a positive, optimistic backbone to the narrative, well… I’ll walk out feeling like these monsters will always win. This logline needs some HOPE. Judge Foundis
Unless when you say “Culminate” you’re referring to the end of your first act, cut it out. We don’t want to know what happens later in your movie or at the end. We want to hear who your lead is (specifically), we want to know where he’s been before now, and we want to know (specifically, not abstractly) what is turning his world upside down. And maybe we’d like to know what he’s doing to get back to the way things were, how he’s planning to fix what’s broken.
And the story specifics are?? Despite the politically correct throwing around of the term “homophobia”, this story comes across as being a boringly blokey tale. Yes, the writer’s moral sentiments are in the right place, but there’s nothing in the logline to suggest that this is little more than a gay-sensitive retread of a seventies surfie film. (Perhaps it should be titled “Puberty Pink”?)
Who’s the protagonist? What’s distinctive and likeable about him? Is one of the lifesavers actually a brute, if not the antagonist? Where, exactly, is the conflict being set up? This whole thing is a sandcastle that will easily wash away.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)