Samurai
Posted: 2019-11-22T05:27:57+10:00 In:

During an unruly blizzard, a family is trapped in their house with a malevolent ghost who has their daughter, and given the choice – get out and live or look for their daughter and die.

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    5 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Hi Lempicka. Yeah I need to work on this one.

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    2. Logliner

      I’m not sure if the blizzard is a red herring here. And why would they choose to look for their daughter if they’re going to die, as what would then happen to the daughter? Could you set up a different dilemma that pits them against the ghost?

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    3. Samurai

      Hi Richiev,

      Yeah, admittedly this one is still muddled.

      I wanted this demonic ghost to actually give them the choice for the freedom. But yeah – I’m not sure if it’s the dilemma I’m looking for. Of course they’re gonna stay – it’s not a hard dilemma.

      The blizzard is going to be there – I’m just not sure if it should be part of the logline.

      I’ll work on this and hopefully have something tomorrow.

      I’m thinking of this:

      During an unruly blizzard, a family is trapped in their house with the malevolent ghost of a serial killer – and a man from the father’s secret past.

      Again – there’s no hook here or dilemma. Nothing that sets it apart.

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    4. Singularity

      You probably shouldn’t present the lead character abanding their daughter as a viable option. No one would pull for a lead character, whose daughter is in danger, and they just leave her to die. Abandoning the daughter is not a good option to present as a possibility for the lead character.

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    5. Singularity

      This logline is set up wrong.

      You say there is a blizzard and the family is trapped, but then you take away the danger by saying if they get out of the house (and into the blizzard) they will live.

      It should be the other way, they can’t escape into the blizzard because if they go out into the storm they will die.

      The blizzard should be the story element that traps them not the story element that saves them.

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