Penpusher
Posted: 2016-11-21T13:35:21+10:00 In:

During the second year of a dictator?s reign in the Philippines where every Filipino wants him dead, he was murdered. The suspect: his 10-year-old son.

During the second year of a dictator?s reign in the Philippines where every Filipino wants him dead, he was murdered. The suspect: his 10-year-old son.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      I agree with Richieve. I can’t see the logic of the story the son recounts – he needs to kill his father to show the world he is a hero. It sounds as if the son is psychotic – a very bad trait for a hero to have and a tough one to handle as a writer. Consider the show Dexter, how much screen time and story, was spent making a killer likable?

      Secondly, as DPG pointed out, what is his goal? This is the most important question a logline must answer. Currently, according to your explanations, there is no goal the film will simply show the boy telling his side of the story and explaining his twisted logic. Best to re think this as a goal orientated plot and re draft.

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    2. Singularity

      FWIW: ?when I keep “nagging” about a logline, it’s a sign that I, for one, ?sense a potential gem of an idea — but it’s needs cutting and polishing.

      So I think the logline (and perhaps the premise) needs more work. ?Assuming the lead character is the 10 year old son, what becomes his objective as a result of the murder of his father? ?What is his response to being the prime but innocent suspect? ? Or is he the actual murderer?

      IOW: What is this story really about? ?The consequences that follow from his murdering his fathear? ?Or is it a murder mystery where he must exonerate himself, find the real murderer?

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    3. Singularity

      >because it?s fiction?

      So? ?It still has to be have a sense of verisimilitude, ?present a credible version of the world as we ?currently know it. ?Unless, it’s specifically stated that the story is a fantasy or science fiction — those genres can take greater liberties with reality as we know it. ? Or the logline reader is given to know that the story is set in a fictional future where the country is now ruled by a royal family.

      However, the genre for this logline is stipulated as “family”.

      And the logline says “a dictator’s reign” not “a king’s reign”. ? Well, which is it?

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    4. Singularity

      If the story is told from the pov of the10-year son, the main character, then frame the logline from his pov.

      >>the royal family
      In the?Philippines??

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    5. Singularity

      Who is the lead character?
      What do they want?
      What is standing in their way?

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