Demon High
Expelled bad-boy student James is accepted at a prestigious high-school, only to learn his teachers are blood-sacrificing devil-worshippers with an eye for troubled pupils.
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Hi woobot. No need to use the name of a character in a logline. Sounds like you have the start of a concept but not the story or the stakes. What is the major compelling goal/action that the bad-boy student needs to achieve? What will happen if he doesn’t achieve his goal?
Thanks Andrew. The story is his teachers are devil worshipers masquerading as trusted educators, and the stakes are that they intend to sacrifice their newest student to the devil. Do you think that’s unclear in the logline, or that that’s not really a story?
Hi woobot – the fact that the teachers are devil worshippers is the setup – it’s the world of the story, but a story is about a person doing something. You’ve provided us a rebellious teenager as a student. What must this character do once he learns that his teachers are evil? What is his objective goal?
“After learning the teachers at his new school are student-sacrificing devil-worshippers, a (character flaw) delinquent must … (do this – the goal) before (this happens – the stakes).”
You could potentially up the stakes by giving the danger a time limit and making the next potential victim personal – the sacrifices happen every PTA meeting, and the next target is his younger brother / sister?
When school-campers discover they’re being groomed for a black-mass to raise the devil, a nerdy altar-boy must lead his fellows to overcome their devil-worshipping teachers.
woobot, I think you need to add what happens if the nerdy altar boy doesn’t lead his fellow students to overcome the devil worshippers. What are the stakes? Will the school blow up? Will it be the end of the world? Will Satan possess all on the earth and have everyone kill each other?
I guess I’m trying to say they’ll become human sacrifices…i.e. dead.
I’ll rework it. Thanks for the input.
When bible-students discover their school-camp leaders are devil-worshipers in disguise, a nerdy-student must shepherd his younger colleagues to safety before becoming human sacrifices.
What happened to the bad-boy? Wouldn’t he be the one to lead the students in their rebellion?
A cowardly pastor must protect his flock of bible-students when their remote camping ground is infiltrated by devil-worshipers hunting human sacrifices.