Sellers’ Market
Karel SegersLogliner
Fed up with stiff regulations preventing people from getting the organs they need, Dr. Andrea Sellers dives into the seedy world of the underground organ trade. (1 hour cable drama)
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“When his child needs a life saving heart transplant, a desperate father dives into the seedy world of the underground organ trade to save his daughter.”
“When his child needs a life saving heart transplant, a desperate father dives into the seedy world of the underground organ trade to save his daughter.”
This is a premise for a television show not a feature.
This is a premise for a television show not a feature.
The title is: Sellers’ Market.
The title is: Sellers’ Market.
The line works. The one thing I have to comment on is “Dives”. “Dives” for me would indicate a enthusiastic adoption of something. Someone may dive into a culture or a sport. It just sounds a little happy for the back market organ trade.
This could have really dark tones. I think you can find a word that has that mood.
The motivation is probably great in the story. But I can’t see a Doctor who has invested a lifetime of effort into a career, would be willing to through it all away due to a frustration in red tape. The events that have frustrated the Doctor, such as unneeded deaths, may read with a great sense of importance.
The line works. The one thing I have to comment on is “Dives”. “Dives” for me would indicate a enthusiastic adoption of something. Someone may dive into a culture or a sport. It just sounds a little happy for the back market organ trade.
This could have really dark tones. I think you can find a word that has that mood.
The motivation is probably great in the story. But I can’t see a Doctor who has invested a lifetime of effort into a career, would be willing to through it all away due to a frustration in red tape. The events that have frustrated the Doctor, such as unneeded deaths, may read with a great sense of importance.
Good point on “dive”. The doctor’s motivation is that her son died due to a lack of organs in the system. She and her husband were not a match (which is possible). This is all back story though. Ever since the death she has been trying to propose new programs to the hospital to bring in more organs but they get shot down by her boss. Her breaking point comes when a girl needs a new heart. At the same time there is a boy who is brain dead and a match but his parents do not want to donate. This is when she snaps.
Good point on “dive”. The doctor’s motivation is that her son died due to a lack of organs in the system. She and her husband were not a match (which is possible). This is all back story though. Ever since the death she has been trying to propose new programs to the hospital to bring in more organs but they get shot down by her boss. Her breaking point comes when a girl needs a new heart. At the same time there is a boy who is brain dead and a match but his parents do not want to donate. This is when she snaps.
That should in. After the death of her own child years early a dr enters the world of black market organs to save a child that will die. That is a hack attempt, but you get the idea. That is a huge WHY this story is happening. Plus it tells you how passionate the person is.
Good story by the way.
That should in. After the death of her own child years early a dr enters the world of black market organs to save a child that will die. That is a hack attempt, but you get the idea. That is a huge WHY this story is happening. Plus it tells you how passionate the person is.
Good story by the way.
As Richieve demonstrated better to make this a personal battle for the Dr than pure principle and it could add a ticking time bomb element to the story.
As it reads now the logline lacks a dramatic premise due to there being no clear goal for the protagonist to achieve. If she has to save her own child and has limited time to do so and has to fight the dregs of the underworld crime syndicates to get a life saving organ the stakes are high the goal is clear and the fight is noble.
Otherwise you’re diluting the empathy the audience will develop and the impact of the story as a whole.
Hope this helps.
As Richieve demonstrated better to make this a personal battle for the Dr than pure principle and it could add a ticking time bomb element to the story.
As it reads now the logline lacks a dramatic premise due to there being no clear goal for the protagonist to achieve. If she has to save her own child and has limited time to do so and has to fight the dregs of the underworld crime syndicates to get a life saving organ the stakes are high the goal is clear and the fight is noble.
Otherwise you’re diluting the empathy the audience will develop and the impact of the story as a whole.
Hope this helps.
8. I get what Nir Shelter is saying. What is the motivation of the doctor for the patient? Is it because she has a personal connection and therefore because of this deep emotional tie is desperate enough to seek such a risky venue? That could play out well over a season of a TV show. Or, does she have some kind of extreme internal emotional motivation? Something like a sociopathic motivation? This would be interesting as she moves from altruistic intentions to out-and-out hubris. But, all-in-all, the current logline lacks the dramatic motivation tied to the main character. Still, it sounds like it could be an interesting show.
8. I get what Nir Shelter is saying. What is the motivation of the doctor for the patient? Is it because she has a personal connection and therefore because of this deep emotional tie is desperate enough to seek such a risky venue? That could play out well over a season of a TV show. Or, does she have some kind of extreme internal emotional motivation? Something like a sociopathic motivation? This would be interesting as she moves from altruistic intentions to out-and-out hubris. But, all-in-all, the current logline lacks the dramatic motivation tied to the main character. Still, it sounds like it could be an interesting show.
I think Richiev is on the right track: the inciting incident needs a strong personal incentive to induce the protagonist to cross the threshold into criminal activity.
Walter White breaks bad not because he’s greedy for gain, but because he discovers he may soon die of cancer and he wants to provide enough money to support his family after he’s dead. Misguided but altruistic motives push him over the threshold from a law abiding teacher to a law breaking meth cook.
And that’s not the back story of “Breaking Bad” — it’s the pilot episode. That’s what a pilot episode does: it establishes the who, what and WHY for all that transpires in the episodes to come.
This series concept is another variation on the general premise of a respectable, law abiding person “breaking bad”.
I think Richiev is on the right track: the inciting incident needs a strong personal incentive to induce the protagonist to cross the threshold into criminal activity.
Walter White breaks bad not because he’s greedy for gain, but because he discovers he may soon die of cancer and he wants to provide enough money to support his family after he’s dead. Misguided but altruistic motives push him over the threshold from a law abiding teacher to a law breaking meth cook.
And that’s not the back story of “Breaking Bad” — it’s the pilot episode. That’s what a pilot episode does: it establishes the who, what and WHY for all that transpires in the episodes to come.
This series concept is another variation on the general premise of a respectable, law abiding person “breaking bad”.