GENRE: Fantasy.
A film length (83 mins) music video. A silent film set to the music (all 16 tracks) of Wolfmothers CD Cosmic Egg.
Feeling danger, the Goddess calls the riders of the winged white unicorns to seek humanities threat. Finding the army of Gargoyles, the armies of the Bouicendeni rise, the sound waves of their battle cry are caste at the Gargoyles feet, exploding in the ground the Gargoyles are thrust up into the atmosphere and their deaths.
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Logline V3:
Sensing imminent danger, the Goddess calls her armies to locate the humans who’ll help her destroy the invading army of winged Gargoyles.
Jamie.
Thanks, but unicorns don’t fly, winged white unicorns do/ can. (in fantasy land anyway)
I notice that you put white winged unicorns. To me that points to the wings being white, I wanted the whole animal to be white. If I didn’t specify the difference, as there is bound to be some account where the unicorn is green or some other colour.
It sounds to me that you are confusing the essence (and purpose) of a logline with that of a synopsis. You need certain elements of the story to write an effective logline. You’ll need the protagonist (hero), the antagonist (villian), the protag’s goal, the obstacles or what is preventing them from achieving that goal, the stakes (or what they stand to lose if they don’t achieve their goal), the hook (what separates this from other stories) and it must give you a sense of the genre. Once you identify these elements from your story, the logline basically writes itself. You’ll want to keep it to 30 words or less, 25 if possible, to make it a first-rate logline, though.
Hope this helps. Good luck!
(Geno Scala- judge)
Logline re-written:
TITLE: Waking The Stone Circle.
Sensing imminent danger the Goddess calls her Armed Forces. Finding the imminent danger (the army of Gargoyles), all in her Armed Forces rise against them.
Causing the ground under the Gargoyles feet to explode they are thrust into the sky, to their deaths.
There are a lot of words here, perhaps try to condense it down. For example, “White Winged Unicorms” can be shortened to just “Unicorns”. I can see you’re trying to create a visual, but it’s difficult to read through.