Fiesty female London detective has a veteran New York cop foisted on her while she struggles to catch a serial killer with some very nasty habits before he strikes again in his search for a worth mate – or his attention turns to her.
NicolaCairnXPenpusher
Fiesty female London detective has a veteran New York cop foisted on her while she struggles to catch a serial killer with some very nasty habits before he strikes again in his search for a worth mate – or his attention turns to her.
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Without an inciting incident, it lacks the causality. ‘very nasty habits’ and ‘search for a worthy mate’ doesn’t justify the shifting of killer’s attention to her. It needs to spell out into something visual (specific)
How is the Cop & Detective working against the other serving the plot?
Start here!
The good news; I do get a sense of the story from this logline attempt.
However I agree, it needs the event that starts the story in the logline.
What event sets the lead character on her course of action.
>>>or his attention turns to her.
Burying the story hook. This is the most interesting feature of the premise. The relationship of the killer with the detective is a stronger pitching point than the relationship with the NYC cop.
And a New York cop has no legal authority in London. He certainly can?t make an arrest. And police are quite territorial about an outsider, in this case a foreigner, meddling in cases in their jurisdiction, So why is he even there?
Whatever, the logline places the relationship problem ? the ?Odd Couple? ? before the plot problem, apprehending a serial killer. In a logliine, the plot takes precedence.
>>>some very nasty habits
Don?t they all? Isn?t serial killing a nasty business to begin with? IOW: be specific. What is the distinguishing feature that differentiates this killer from others? That has a foreigner meddling in the case?
Great comments guys thank you.? Now should I try again here so you can see it, or write a new logline?? NicolaCairnX