Fiesty female London detective has a veteran New York cop foisted on her while she struggles to catch a serial killer with some very nasty habits before he strikes again in his search for a worth mate – or his attention turns to her.
NicolaCairnXPenpusher
Fiesty female London detective has a veteran New York cop foisted on her while she struggles to catch a serial killer with some very nasty habits before he strikes again in his search for a worth mate – or his attention turns to her.
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Great comments guys thank you.? Now should I try again here so you can see it, or write a new logline?? NicolaCairnX
>>>or his attention turns to her.
Burying the story hook. This is the most interesting feature of the premise. The relationship of the killer with the detective is a stronger pitching point than the relationship with the NYC cop.
And a New York cop has no legal authority in London. He certainly can?t make an arrest. And police are quite territorial about an outsider, in this case a foreigner, meddling in cases in their jurisdiction, So why is he even there?
Whatever, the logline places the relationship problem ? the ?Odd Couple? ? before the plot problem, apprehending a serial killer. In a logliine, the plot takes precedence.
>>>some very nasty habits
Don?t they all? Isn?t serial killing a nasty business to begin with? IOW: be specific. What is the distinguishing feature that differentiates this killer from others? That has a foreigner meddling in the case?
The good news; I do get a sense of the story from this logline attempt.
However I agree, it needs the event that starts the story in the logline.
What event sets the lead character on her course of action.
Without an inciting incident, it lacks the causality. ‘very nasty habits’ and ‘search for a worthy mate’ doesn’t justify the shifting of killer’s attention to her. It needs to spell out into something visual (specific)
How is the Cop & Detective working against the other serving the plot?
Start here!