Five disease research scientists are trapped in their underground laboratory by the containment system after an experimental airborne drug leaks out, only to discover it may have deadly side-effects.
Paul ClarkeSamurai
Five disease research scientists are trapped in their underground laboratory by the containment system after an experimental airborne drug leaks out, only to discover it may have deadly side-effects.
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In a story a lead character has a goal, your logline has neither a lead character or a goal. It simply presents a situation.
1: Who is the lead character?
2: What is their goal
3: What is standing in the way of the lead character’s ?goal?
4: What must the lead character do about it?
The redraft is better but still too wordy.
How about:
After a contamination lockdown traps a team of lab workers, a selfish scientist must lead them all to safety before they all succumb to the psychotic side effects of the virus.