Penpusher
Posted: 2021-10-07T16:35:30+10:00 In:

Following an unsettling incident on a night out, a young woman’s adverse reaction awakens an uncontrollable craving for human flesh.

Following an unsettling incident on a night out, a young woman’s adverse reaction awakens an uncontrollable craving for human flesh.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I don’t think you can withhold the story points here. What is the inciting incident, what is the adverse reaction and what happens if she can’t control her craving for human flesh? Maybe checkout the logline for Santa Clarita Diet and see if you could twist it into horror (if you are going for horror of course).

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    2. Singularity

      I agree with tschrack,

      “Following an unsettling incident…” Not only is this vague, but it’s also not compelling.

      Since this is what sets the story in motion be specific.

      If the big event happens in the first ten minutes of the story, it should be in the logline.
      If the big event happens in the last ten minutes of the story, it should be left out.

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    3. Penpusher

      Thank you for your feedback. This is for a short film I’m making and part of the inciting incident is that it is never shown what exactly happened to her, the story is more about her journey following that. Here’s the updated one:

      After a traumatic event on a night out which leaves her powerless, a naive young woman’s adverse reaction awakens an uncontrollable craving for human flesh as she embarks on embracing her feminine power.

      Let me know your thoughts 🙂

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