From the moment Dae Stallard gets the unwanted news that his girlfriend is pregnant, the journey of a young, self-absorbed man becoming a flawed but loving father begins, ending with the high school graduation of his child.
klee4Logliner
From the moment Dae Stallard gets the unwanted news that his girlfriend is pregnant, the journey of a young, self-absorbed man becoming a flawed but loving father begins, ending with the high school graduation of his child.
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Hello, I suggest to avoid the name of the character (it’s a common sense rule in logline writing).
The story seems to promise a series of snapshots over 18 years of a father and his family but no driving plot.? A “journey” is not a plot.? It can be what happens as a result of a plot, a character driven by an objective goal in spite of obstacles.? But?a journey can also be whatever?happens by just drifting downstream in the river of life with no particular?goal in mind.
This logline brings to mind Richard Linklater’s “Boyhood”.? Well, if you have ?an established track record, industry contacts and a unique?story angle and a unique ?way of telling the story,?and independent financing?– all of which ?Richard Linklater had? with “Boyhood”, then you can make any film you want to with this premise.
But if you don’t, I don’t see anything in this logline that’s going to make?producers and directors eager to?want?to invest their time.? Or studios ?or ?folks on crowd sourcing web sites excited and intrigued enough to want to invest in the project.? The logline lacks a strong hook.
As previously mentioned best to focus your logline on the outer goal that the MC MUST achieve, not just a choice or inner journey as these need to be implied but not specified in the logline.