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KimPenpusher
Posted: August 7, 20152015-08-07T03:35:27+10:00 2015-08-07T03:35:27+10:00In: Public

Gerald Tinkers rise to track and football stardom as told through his mothers? eyes, culminates with a gold medal in the ?72 Munich Olympics.

DREAMS OF GOLD

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Jefferson McClure Penpusher
      2015-08-13T08:00:25+10:00Added an answer on August 13, 2015 at 8:00 am

      I don’t think we need the name (unless it’s someone famous), and I don’t know how “football” fits in with the Olympic dream. Also, why tell the story from the mother’s perspective if she’s not an active part of the story (if that’s really what you’re going for, how about something like “After being abandoned (widowed?) by her husband, a poor, single mother pushes her reluctant son to greatness and is redeemed when he wins gold at the ’72 Olympics.”).

      Or if it’s really Gerald’s story…what is his drive, what is his fault, what obstacles must he overcome (maybe his nagging mother?)?

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-08-07T18:25:39+10:00Added an answer on August 7, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      Why the 72 Munich Olympics?
      When setting a story there the implications are clearly to use the terror attacks that took place, are they going to play a role in this story? If not I suggest changing time and place or other wise the story will have a lack luster premise the heightened stakes of life and death along side dreams of gold.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. 2015-08-07T12:48:26+10:00Added an answer on August 7, 2015 at 12:48 pm

      Agree with dpg. Also be careful where you put an apostrophe with possessives. Unless your story is told through the eyes of his two mothers, write ‘his mother’s eyes’.

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2015-08-07T12:06:36+10:00Added an answer on August 7, 2015 at 12:06 pm

      There are thousands of stories of athletes with “dreams of gold” and athletic stardom. What makes Gerald Tinker’s story different, unique, stand out from the pack?

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