Granted one week to hunt down the true assassin, a lovesick hitman must execute his fiance on day seven when she unwittingly poisons his boss, the kingpin of crime.
EethanSamurai
Granted one week to hunt down the true assassin, a lovesick hitman must execute his fiance on day seven when she unwittingly poisons his boss, the kingpin of crime.
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You could go “The Departed” or “Mr and Mrs Smith” that they are hired to kill each other or they work for the opposition and are hunting the person who killed the mob boss, but also have a mundane marriage.
Maybe throw in a moral dilemma, as right now, i think people will assume doesn’t kill bis fianc?. Maybe this is a fight for a son’s love between the new woman on the block and the mother. So, the Mother is the Mob Boss, her son her protector, but he falls for a Cop or Rival gang assassin who is the one he is unknowingly protecting her from.
When he finds out who is trying to kill his mother and who his mother wants him to kill in order to end it, well up to you where you go. It could work as a Dark Comedy if you wanted. Anyways point being, I just need a reason to think he would kill his lover if he is love sick.
Your are missing the “Why”
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When “This happens” a lovesick assassin must kill the assassin who framed him, (Or this bad thing will happen)
Agreed with DPG.
I’ll add that in addition to the events, the wording and structure are also confusing. I think what you’re trying to describe is:
After his fiance accidently kills his boss, a love-struck hitman is given a week to murder her.
Fundamentally not a bad idea, however, I suggest you give him an alternative goal. You’re basically setting up the MC for a big dilemma – will he be loyal to the organization or will he be loyal to his love. But as with all dilemmas, what’s interesting is what he decides to do as a result of making a choice. Point is, what becomes his goal after his decision to either kill her or not?
Yeah, it definitely conveys the impression of a spoiler, giving away the 3rd act. ?And the chronology of events in the logline is confusing.
There’s additional consequences to the story, specifically the day seven part, ?that I’ve included in other versions of this. But I felt it may be too third Act-ish and irrelevant to the main idea presented here.?