Posted: 2012-07-12T15:56:37+10:00 In:

Guy Foster (codename: RAZORMOOSE) is framed for a tourist massacre by the syndicate of sin hunting his telepathic antlers. Fleeing John Law, Guy must clear his name.

The Fugitive meets Wolverine: Origins, with a moose’s head.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I love this concept. First capitalize Syndicate of Sin as it is a proper noun. I’m guessing Guy’s superpower is his antlers, just because you said it’s like a comic origin story. “Hunting” threw me off because their’s references to game that conjured images of big game hunters in my mind. Maybe include the comment “moose’s head” in the log line in a way to define the character. My suggestion, “Guy, a superhero with a moose’s head and telepathic antlers, must clear his name after…” Keep the verbs active and you have a very powerful and compelling idea.

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    2. What are telepathic antlers? Maybe just say “Guy Foster, a hired mercenary, is framed for a tourist massacre by a clandestine organization who wants Guy’s secret weapon. Fleeing the Law, Guy must clear his name.” Make it a little more utilitarian and less cryptic. I’m not sure if Guy is a mercenary, just fill in his occupation or something specific to the plot there.

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