Posted: 2013-02-08T14:37:47+10:00 In:

Gwen lives her simple life in the Empire, until she is attacked by a Rogue Empowered. With her guardian kidnapped and the fate of everyone she loves depending on her forgotten Powers, will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      This logline is a little bit of a mess.

      “Gwen”– you don’t need to tell us the name of the main character unless it’s someone famous but you should tell us a character trait, Is she friendly, obstinate, a spitfire, selfless; give us an adjective.

      “lives her simple life in the Empire”– What empire?

      “Rogue Empowered”– Not sure what that means.

      “will she remember her past or will she keep on Running?”– You shouldn’t end a logline with a question. (Especially if we kinda already know what the answer is)

      This may be a great idea but the logline needs some work in order to captivate the reader and sell the story.

      Good luck with this, hope this helped.

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    2. Richiev’s advice is very good, I would take note.

      The log line is a bit of a mess, it doesn’t flow very well and needs to be snappier in order to draw in people’s attention. Also the end line makes little sense as you’ve never said she is on the run so why would she keep running? Also what is her past?

      My take on the story at the minute is she has left a futuristic/ancient city and has to return to protect her guardian but it is all a set up??

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    3. Hey Rhiannond,

      Straight off I want to tell you I like the feel of your film – ‘Empire’ and ‘Rogue Empowered’ give a star wars vibe and I personally love Sci-Fi. Plus I can see with kidnapping, running and vital decisions all featuring in the logline you intend to write something fast paced and exciting. Awesome!

      I’m doing a screenwriting course at the moment and one thing we were taught was never to make a decision the main crux of your movie’s logline. The act of making a decision takes moments and yet your movie has a story that will sustain it for over an hour. We want to know what is that story!

      You definitely have great blocks for something in here my (immensely simplified!) possible take is below:

      When a simple Empire girl’s guardian is kidnapped she realises she must recover her forgotten powers to protect the fate of everyone she loves.

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