Thriller Logline
Alan SmitheePenpusher
Harlow Reeve, an orphaned teenager becomes aware of her teleportation abilities when she looks into her parents past. Social Media discloses her secret, when she is caught on camera, the world suddenly starts to become aware of her divergence
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I am missing a clear sense of the character’s goal. I can see the obstacle though, and it is an interesting idea. Perhaps re-think you’re wording of the ‘social media discloses it’ part. Social media isn’t an active person or character so perhaps it should be ‘it’s disclosed on social media’. Or perhaps ‘someone discloses it on social media’, maybe even introducing the antagonist? I’m also not getting the sense of a main antagonist either.
I am missing a clear sense of the character’s goal. I can see the obstacle though, and it is an interesting idea. Perhaps re-think you’re wording of the ‘social media discloses it’ part. Social media isn’t an active person or character so perhaps it should be ‘it’s disclosed on social media’. Or perhaps ‘someone discloses it on social media’, maybe even introducing the antagonist? I’m also not getting the sense of a main antagonist either.
I love it… are you a professional writer
I love it… are you a professional writer
I agree with dpg. What does she want? What prevents her getting it? There is gold there, it just needs to be mined.
I agree with dpg. What does she want? What prevents her getting it? There is gold there, it just needs to be mined.
It’s an intriguing premise. And Peter Nguyen’s take is an improvement, but I think there remains a fundamental problem: the logline establishes a situation — but not a plot. A plot is about a character struggling toward a specific objective goal with specific stakes.
As currently written, the logline places her a reactive role instead of proactive one. The media spotlight is a complication — but a complication to what? That is, what objective goal does it make more difficult for her to achieve? Having discovered her unusual powers, what does she want to do with them? What specifically must she struggle to accomplish?
And what are the stakes? What does she stand to lose if she fails to accomplish her objective goal with her ultra-natural ability? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds?
Give her a specific objective goal and stakes, and I think this has a lot of potential to be a winner.
It’s an intriguing premise. And Peter Nguyen’s take is an improvement, but I think there remains a fundamental problem: the logline establishes a situation — but not a plot. A plot is about a character struggling toward a specific objective goal with specific stakes.
As currently written, the logline places her a reactive role instead of proactive one. The media spotlight is a complication — but a complication to what? That is, what objective goal does it make more difficult for her to achieve? Having discovered her unusual powers, what does she want to do with them? What specifically must she struggle to accomplish?
And what are the stakes? What does she stand to lose if she fails to accomplish her objective goal with her ultra-natural ability? What does she stand to gain if she succeeds?
Give her a specific objective goal and stakes, and I think this has a lot of potential to be a winner.
I do like the concept.
‘Harlow Reeve, an orphaned teenager becomes aware of her teleportation abilities when she looks into her parents past’ -Too much unnecessary information.
Here’s my take:
When an orphaned teenager’s teleportation ability gets caught on camera and goes viral on social media, her life gets turned upside down with the constant unwanted media attention.
I hope this help. I think you might be onto something good here. So good luck.
I do like the concept.
‘Harlow Reeve, an orphaned teenager becomes aware of her teleportation abilities when she looks into her parents past’ -Too much unnecessary information.
Here’s my take:
When an orphaned teenager’s teleportation ability gets caught on camera and goes viral on social media, her life gets turned upside down with the constant unwanted media attention.
I hope this help. I think you might be onto something good here. So good luck.