A wealty and debonair Brazillian goes berserk when his love dumps him for a Scottish accountant. The couple joins with friends and family for the fight, but our villian seems to have everything at his disposal except patience.
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This is what I first took from the logline.
When he’s dumped for a dull Scottish accountant, an unhinged Brazilian must fix his anger issues in order to win the love of his life back.
I reread it and got this –
When his fiancee’s unhinged Brazilian ex turns up out of the blue, an accountant must muster his family and friends to fight him off and hang on to his true love.
In all seriousness, I think the nationalities are a bit irrelevant, along with the fact that the antagonist is debonair, wealthy and impatient.
As others have said, I think you need to make it clear that the accountant is the protagonist.
Also, are the couple right at the start of the relationship? Engaged? Married?
Does the woman still have feelings for the Brazilian?
Where does the story take place? Are they at home in Scotland or on holiday in the Amazon rainforest?
This logline is long and yet it still tells us little. Or more to the point, it tells us unnecessary information. Do we need to know their nationalities? Does that effect the story.
And I to thought the Brazilian was the protagonist. The logline reads from his point of view.
Something more along the lines of: When his girlfriend’s wealthy and debonair former flame returns on the scene, a meek Accountant must fight for her before…
Not really sure how it plays out after that.
Generally speaking, a logline is one sentence that explains what the movie is about. I would try to combine the important elements into one sentence.
No, the Scottish accountant is the hero. The Brazillian turns into a stalker, and all the other characters are trying to save the girl and themsevles. Sounds like I need to clarify. Is there a way to say “experienced stalker”?
Cool! Our Brazillian wants his girl back, right?
But what is ‘the fight’?
Is the accountant the villain? Make him sound evil and dangerous! Just impatience is not going to scare our hero…