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CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
Posted: August 29, 20192019-08-29T19:49:50+10:00 2019-08-29T19:49:50+10:00In: Drama

In 24 hours she is forced into increasingly degrading and dangerous situations to save her loser boyfriend from a situation of his making only to realise she is better off with a broken heart than with a loser she loves.

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    5 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2019-08-29T22:21:56+10:00Added an answer on August 29, 2019 at 10:21 pm

      What is the story about?? It is not unusual for plots to have “degrading and dangerous situations”.? What is the story hook, what differentiates these situations from those of similar dramas?

      Nor have we any clue as to what the boyfriend’s situation is or how it is of his making.

      What is the inciting incident that triggers the action through line of the plot?

      Until the “only to realize” moment (MPR, end of 2nd Act?) the protagonist seems to be driven by plot (“is forced”) instead of driving the plot by her proactive dramatic choices.? “Only to realize” also seems to give away how the story is going to end — IOW, a spoiler.? Also, it seems to refer to her internal/subjective need rather than her external/objective want.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2019-08-30T03:33:40+10:00Added an answer on August 30, 2019 at 3:33 am

      >>>I am never afraid of spoilers. I think they are needed.

      You raise some interesting questions.

      Let me clarify that by “spoiler” I am specifically referring to how the film ends, the final answer to the dramatic questions (objective and/or subjective). ?As distinct from “spoiler” as in a Big Reveal or Plot Twist that pivots the trajectory of the story in a different direction. [Big Reveals and Plot Twists are a distinguishing feature of the Midpoint Reversal (MPR) — and that’s certainly okay to have in a logline.]

      Now then. I like to think I’ve matured enough to never say never, to realize that every rule has an exception.? However, I have yet to encounter a justifiable exception to the “never give away the ending in a logline” rule.

      The purpose of a logline is to pitch the script, to induce movie makers to read it.? Perhaps, there is a case where the ending is so awesome, so unusual, so interesting, so one-of-a-kind that giving it away in the logline is justifiable.? It’s irresistible bait on the story hook: movie makers will want to read the script to see how that ending is worked out.

      But the general? reason for not giving away the ending is because it is a tried-and true sales strategy: it piques reader curiosity.

      Can you point to two or three movies where you think it would have been justifiable for the writer to spoil the ending in a logline? Where, in fact, the logline pitching the script did give away the ending?

      Taking your logline at face value, what is so awesome, so unusual, so one-of-a-kind about her coming to her senses and dumping the dud of a dude? It seems to me that happens often enough in movies and all the time in real life.

      Now, if the story has a unique, never-been-done twist to that particular character arc, great.

      What is it?

      And if there isn’t, then why expend precious logline space on that character arc, precious space that might better be spent highlighting more interesting features of the script.

      Just saying.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2019-08-30T05:53:03+10:00Added an answer on August 30, 2019 at 5:53 am

      What is the “Situation of his making” in which the lead character must saver her boyfriend from, because that is the inciting incident and the logline should begin with that.

      When her loser boyfriend loses a million dollars of mob money…

      When her loser boyfriend attacks a police officer and goes on the run…

      When her loser boyfriend grows a man bun…

      What specifically is the situation the lead character must save her loser boyfriend from.

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    4. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2019-08-30T07:11:13+10:00Added an answer on August 30, 2019 at 7:11 am

      dpg I know I am in the minority. But I want people to question how I will tell the story not what the story is. ?If in a contest situation or when a producer is on a search and they are reading a few hundred loglines. I believe that an incomplete story will be looked over, maybe not intentionally, but it will not engage as much as a fully formed story. ?Like I said, just my opinion. Only here are loglines read in isolation.

      Richiev, I know it would drag in the reader. But I don?t know what he has done yet. That may make her more panicked at some point. The story is that she is sees that her life will be better leaving him, but she continues. ?Around the midpoint she becomes aware that her faith in him is unjustified. So she start trying to get out of the situation she is in. ?At the final minutes she thinks he may have redeemed himself, but he hasn?t. He is still willing to disappoint her. ?The question the story answers is ?are you better to have a broken heart and live alone than be in a bad relationship?.

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    5. yqwertz Mentor
      2019-08-30T15:42:14+10:00Added an answer on August 30, 2019 at 3:42 pm

      ?are you better to have a broken heart and live alone than be in a bad relationship?

      A sure cure for a broken heart is to realize that you were in a bad relationship. People are left with broken hearts when they retain the illusion that the relationship was good and could have worked. Once the woman realizes the relationship is bad and would never have worked, her heart will start to heal and she can look for someone else, someone with whom she can build a life together.

      In other words, I don’t think the question is valid. Maybe the question you are looking for is: At what point do you end a bad relationship and move on?

       

       

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