Singularity
Posted: 2016-03-18T14:33:00+10:00 In:

In a small Nevada town, a homeschooling teenager emerges from hiding to play varsity basketball only to be bullied when it is discovered that his mother works in the local brothel.

In a small Nevada town, a homeschooling teenager emerges from hiding to play varsity basketball only to be bullied when it is discovered that his mother works in the local brothel.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Hi DPG,

      To bring the word count to under 30 words you could lose the setting — I’m not sure how vital that is to communicating the essence of the story.

      The only other issue in my mind is that I’m left wanting to know what she does as a result of the bullying..? Or, to put it another way, is it her goal to excel in varsity basketball or overcome the bullies?

      Cheers.

      • 0
    2. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Sorry — I missed that the hero is a ‘He’

      Just my take below:

      “A reclusive home-schooled teenager becomes the star forward for the varsity basketball team but struggles against?public ?ridicule when he is ?outed ?for being the bastard son of a local prostitute.”

      No real improvement, but just my take. Best of luck – I like. 🙂

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    3. Best Answer
      Mentor

      Me too I miss a hint about the reaction to the bulling. And I miss some irony – think about good will hunting: an violent orphan / a math genius. ?And I’m not sure how to place the reveal of his mother profession: wouldn’t it be the real inciting event? If not, what happens in the movie between the joining the team and the reveal… they happily play basketball:)? One other possibility would be to attach his mother profession to the character description and let this ‘flow’ be the base for the whole movie – this is the most (melo)dramatic device, a secret that is always about to be discoverd.

      • 0
    4. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      Nice set up. A bit to much background (home schooled). My question is

      And then…..?

      It feels like the story is about to start. Does he change attitudes of people, does he fit back, does he seek revenge?

      Two hours of watching this guy getting bullied doesn’t sound appealing.

      • 0
    5. Best Answer
      Logliner

      +1 on him being as the Event of the story. “When a reclusive varsity basketball player is outed as the bastard son of a prostitute, he must…..”

      • 0