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Leannf411Logliner
Posted: August 25, 20162016-08-25T21:53:31+10:00 2016-08-25T21:53:31+10:00In: Fantasy

In a world twisted by the DNA Wars a young warrior must learn to control her changing mutation while surviving the monsters of her nightmares as she tries to reach the free city.

In a world twisted by the DNA Wars a young warrior must learn to control her changing mutation while surviving the monsters of her nightmares as she tries to reach the free city.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2016-08-25T23:57:38+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2016 at 11:57 pm

      Leave world building for your screenplay and just cut to the heart of your story. What are the DNA wars? What mutation? What monsters? Where and what is the free city?

      Its hard to even rewrite this one because you don’t have many of the story beats. What is her goal? What is the inciting incident? Etc. Give it another go.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-08-26T03:56:05+10:00Added an answer on August 26, 2016 at 3:56 am

      The logline has the raw material for an interesting story, but I’m not clear as to what is going on, what the action throughline of the story is. ?What’s going on, a war between ?opposing armies of ?genetically engineered mutant warriors? ? And is this as much as as scifi story as a fantasy?

      In a logline it’s better to focus on the central concept, the one Big Idea of the story. What is it in this story? ?What is her singular, overarching objective goal given that she’s a mutant warrior? ?And what is specific? inciting incident that triggers her struggle for that objective goal?

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    3. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-08-26T08:07:24+10:00Added an answer on August 26, 2016 at 8:07 am

      Yep how does the DNA war feed the story? Is she being pursued? How far is her journey? Why must she make the trip? What are the monsters of her dreams?

      I haven’t seen stuff like this, so it could be cool. But specifics are your friend. Focus on the very core, don’t load in details. Here is an example (not your story).

      “A DNA mutated soldier must battle hallucinating and the enemy to escape to a free city after his unit is destroyed’

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    4. Richiev Singularity
      2016-08-26T12:19:05+10:00Added an answer on August 26, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      Why now?

      Why did she choose this moment to try to reach the free city? Why not yesterday or last year? What prompted this action at this particular moment?

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