The Council of Blood: Wildfire
bondthewriterPenpusher
In a world with real monsters, a desperate griffin and his team fight through the expanding zombie horde to deliver an immune human to their superiors.
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For me, I think the problem is that there are too many good ideas here.
For instance, I’m counting 5 players:
real monsters, a,griffin (a monster), the team (of monsters), zombies (also a type of monster?), an immune human (type of human, i.e. the immune kind), superiors (monsters).
It might be easier juggling so many characters if it was a real world, because you could rely on the reader making assumptions. Here it gets overwhelming. I’d consider dropping the number to, say, 3. Sure, you loose some of the detail, but too much detail seems to be the problem.
“In a world” sounds a little too Don LaFontaine.
Its a fun story. I like seeing all the updates.
How about A desperate griffin and his team of monsters must fight through a horde of zombies to capture the only thing that will return his family?s honor, an immune human.?
From what you said above, it seems like loyalty and honor is what really matters to the griffin. Finding and retrieving an immune human is just a tool to get back what was lost. Just throwing out ideas.
Yes, Monsters eat humans (without human blood they weaken and eventually die), Zombie plague happens, Monster’s risk exposing themselves to stop the spread of the infection. Zombie blood lacks the proprieties that sustain the Monsters so they can’t eat them. It’s actually the same reason Zombies eat humans.. for the same property.. the addiction is just so extreme that it overrides all other brain function including survival instinct. In the end we learn that the plague came from monster blood that has been experimented on.
Also.. Thanks for all the insight!
The human is immune, unlike any other human they’ve seen. He wants to deliver the human in the hopes that a cure can be found. The griffin is on one of many teams that are trying to stop the spread of the zombie plague, but IF a cure can be found that would be a MUCH better solution. Him bringing that about would get his family line back in the good graces of the Council. In the backstory there are few Griffins so they don’t have a seat on the council like the other 9 species of monsters. The Griffins act as enforcers for the Council’s laws and agenda. The main character has been through training to be an enforcer but was not allowed due to his father’s disobedience (shame), but when the zombie plague broke out many more teams were needed to fight the spread of the disease. Other monsters were added to the teams and any griffin with training was called up, this has given him his chance. Finding the immune human is exactly the thing he’s been looking for and in the beginning he’d risk anything to deliver ‘her’ to the council. He’ll do ANYTHING to prove his loyalty. This is the character arc. At the beginning he’ll do anything, risk anything, even his teammates’ lives, to prove his loyalty but then learns along the way that there is value in doing what is right in the face of loyalty and ‘orders’ (just like his father did).
There is a lot here.. I get that. It’s a big world with a crazy amount of backstory.. but even if it was all just humans and in the middle of the zombie outbreak you found someone who has been bitten and doesn’t turn (immune) you’d want to want to figure out why or get her somewhere that they can figure it out, in the hopes of finding a cure.
A desperate griffin and his team of monsters are ordered to fight through a horde of zombies to save an immune human with the hopes that a cure is in her blood.?
Can I just try to clarify; the Griffin wants to save the uninfected human to prove his worth to his superiors – because humans are their food source and they can’t eat zombies? I’m just having a hard time understanding WHY he wants to save the human.
^ “Immune means the human can?t be infected, so why does he have to be saved? Uninfected has more risk, more danger and more urgency.”
Good observation.
This was really a tough one. I feel like there’s a piece missing. I agree with nicholasandrewhalls and would dump the “in a world” part but I’d also dump the “superiors” both of these will come out in the sp, especially if the superiors eat the human in a twist ending.
I’d also think twice about the zombies and maybe make them infected humans or half-breeds so that the rescued creature would be a pure-blood human. Uninfected vs immune. Immune means the human can’t be infected, so why does he have to be saved? Uninfected has more risk, more danger and more urgency.
“A desperate griffin and his team of monsters must fight through a horde of zombies to save an uninfected human for the Council of Blood.”
That’s the best I can do without knowing why. I’m assuming the griffin is the good guy and would be under the impression that he is saving the human and not delivering him. Good Luck.
This is a tough one. It feels like there’s a piece missing to the story. I agree with nicholasandrewhalls about dumping the “in a world part” and I’d likely dump the part about the superiors. I don’t think either one is necessary for your logline and will come out in the sp, especially if the twist ending has to do with the superiors eating the human.
You might have better luck changing the zombies to infected humans or half-breeds, then instead of an uninfected human, you can change the saved creature to a pure blooded human.
Immune vs uninfected. If the human is immune, he can’t be infected so he’s not really in any danger but if he’s uninfected, he can become infected, more danger, more risk, more reason to succeed.
“A desperate griffin and his team of monsters fight through the expanding horde of zombies to save an uninfected human and deliver him to the Council of Blood.”
It’s not the best but without knowing the why, it’s the best I can give you.
Yeah, this logline has been kicking my ass. The monsters eat humans… they have a ruling Council.. ‘The Council of Blood’.. the Griffins are enforces for the council but they are the only species that isn’t addicted to Human blood.. The MC’s family line has been known to disobey orders so with this Zombie problem he is actually given a chance to serve on a strike force and he sees it as his chance to prove his loyalty to the council. The conflict is really about doing evil when you’re ‘just following orders’.
As a side note… the zombie infection is based on the monster’s addiction to human blood, just amplified and mutated to the 1000th degree.
So.. with all that said…
“Zombies flood NYC, giving a desperate griffin soldier the opportunity to prove his loyalty to his rulers by fighting through the zombies to deliver an immune human to a secure lab.”
I don’t know if this is contrary to other advice you’ve already received, but I would remove the opening “In a world with real monsters”. Not only does this sound like marketing guff, but it’s a waste of the word count. If your logline contains the words griffin and zombies, it’s already indicating that the genre we’re dealing with is fantasy and that this is indeed a world where monsters exist.
Once again – I think the stakes are not entirely clear. The implication is that if the human is brought through safely, humanity can be saved … but this doesn’t seem like a very primal urge for the griffin. Why does HE (and through him, the audience) care if humanity is saved?