In an isolated castle the 12th in line to the Earl of Northwattington, a young man attends the late Earl?s will reading but one by one the heirs are being killed. He tries to save them but is undermined by his money hungry fianc
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
In an isolated castle the 12th in line to the Earl of Northwattington, a young man attends the late Earl?s will reading but one by one the heirs are being killed. He tries to save them but is undermined by his money hungry fianc
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Hi Nir
Not sure exactly how it ends. It is wordy, I will reword it to drop the word count. Try to stop a series of deaths in a comedy may be a goal.
I?ll post a revision.
It’s too long and it lacks a clear action for the MC to take.
Does he stop the murders? If so, how does he do it?
Also, “…young man…” is too generic for a logline, what kind of young man is he?
The more I think of it. I think an interesting angle may be that he is trying to save them. But they are so delusional that they can?t bwlieve that people are killing them. He is the only sensible person. His actions are to try and save them. This is also the tension with his fianc?.
I am not even sure who is doing the killing or why yet.
I am using the logline to help me develop the thoughts and story.
Have you ever seen the Alec Guinness film ‘Kind Hearts and Coronets’? It has a very similar premise but the MC is the guy doing the killing. His mother was banished from the family and he was brought up in poverty so upon discovering that there are only 8 people (all played by Alec Guinness) between him and the inheritance, he systematically starts killing them off (and making it look like accidents). It’s a great film!
In ‘KH&C’, the MC is taking positive action towards his goal (even if it is killing people). In your idea, currently, the MC is more of a bystander with events occurring around him. Is there a way to more actively involve him? Is there a 13th in line (and 14th, 15th, etc) that he could actually start competing with? Or maybe the castle is like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and the other 11 get ceremoniously bumped off for their sins?
I think there’s great potential in this, I just want to root for the MC a bit more.
Being 12th in line, he doesn’t even know this guy.? No former relationship to anyone there for the reading.? Turned up for a weekend in the country and a bit of a laugh.? But when the first person dies, it is mentioned that he as moved up the rankings.? As more people die he begins to get accused. He looks for ways of getting help.? But his girlfriend is “let see what happens”.
We have no idea what the Earl was like, eccentric or otherwise as he is in the ground by now.? I was thinking something like “Death at a funeral” (UK original), but with murders involved.
Thanks for the suggestions so far.? It is a challenge to a logline where it is a setting for a number of what are basically sketches.
?When he and his fellow heirs attend their?eccentric grandfather?s will reading at an isolated English castle, a wannabe sleuth must match wits with a clever killer, when his fellow heirs begin getting killed, and all the evidence points to him.?
This is a tough one, it’s hard to tell what exactly sets the story in motion, the death of the Earl, the will reading, or the killings.
I guess I will go with ‘will reading’ so here is an attempt:
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“When he and his fellow heirs attend their?eccentric grandfather’s will reading at an isolated English castle, a wannabe sleuth gets more than he bargained?for when his fellow family members get knocked off one by one, and he becomes the number one suspect.”