In order to graduate film school, a self-centered student documents his terminally ill father’s attempt to recapture the heart of a former lover, prior to her impending marriage.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
In order to graduate film school, a self-centered student documents his terminally ill father’s attempt to recapture the heart of a former lover, prior to her impending marriage.
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Agreed with DPG, and to that matter there’s no need to mention the son at all.
Why would the inciting incident by his kid graduating? ?Wouldn’t it be the diagnosis of cancer? ?That diagnosis — not the graduation– suddenly makes it urgent for him to ?track down his ex-flame. ?He can’t wait –he must act. ?Carpe diem.
What about this approach?
After his youngest child graduates high school, a cancer stricken father must track down his one true love before he dies.
I have to agree with both dpg and Nir
From reading your logline, it seems as if you have the wrong lead character, the father should actually be the lead character.
However, if that is not the case then Nir is correct and the wording for the lead character’s story line must be clearer in the logline.
If the intention is for him to film the father as part of a school assignment, it needs to be made clearer in the logline.
The son would be filming the father to full the requirement of a film project in order to graduate from film school. ?That’s credible.
Except ?the son’s problems and stakes are trivial in comparison to those of his father. ?The father is at death’s door; he’s reached the end of his life. ?The son is at the threshold of ?his adult life; he has the promise and potential of 50 years or more ahead of him.
And why would the father allow his son to film his last days?
Seems to me there’s a deeper story here, ?perhaps one framed with the father as the protagonist. ?Or a story of estranged co-protagonists, a father and son coming to a final reckoning and reconciliation.
fwiw.
“…In order to graduate film school…”, in dramatic terms, means something happened to prevent him from completing film school – that event is the inciting incident, you need to describe it in detail.
After – so and so happened – a student must…
His choice of action to achieve his goal is a bit strange and feels somewhat forced. Granted, you made him use the very skill he is studying, but it makes little sense – indi films are notoriously fickle and rarely profitable, indi film making student documentaries, more so.