In the aftermath of a close friend’s suicide, five U.S. Navy sailors conspire to rob a local loan shark who they believe was responsible for his death.
Adamu95Logliner
In the aftermath of a close friend’s suicide, five U.S. Navy sailors conspire to rob a local loan shark who they believe was responsible for his death.
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Love the concept.
1. Make the protagonist a single character from which the point of view is established (In which case I would perhaps consider entirely omitting the other four navy men)
2. It could be about seeking revenge rather than simply robbing the antagonist, however, you should perhaps consider also the idea of turning the revenge positive rather than negative. For example, perhaps our protagonist seeks to expose to a military court of some form the corruption occurring in order to incur greater crackdowns on suspicious payments in order to prevent future deaths by wealthy lenders.
3. Perhaps there is a slew of suspects of the murder and the action is our protagonist attempting to navigate interweaving alibis and discovering who committed the murder and bringing them to justice.
Overall a solid concept, which just needs a little more development of spicing up the logline. Definitely contains exciting potential and I’d watch it.
When his best friend suicide leaves his family destitute, an angry navy seals recruits his squad to pull off the heist of the loan shark who drove him to despair to pay for his friend’s children college education.
I like the concept. The movie can go in different directions an all action and drama style like?Heat by Michael Mann or action caper comedy a la?Ocean’s trilogy.
The only comments I had have been previously pointed out – why just rob? and who’s the protagonist? Is there a reason why they are U.S. Navy as opposed to postal workers or something?
“When his best friend is killed by a loan shark’s heavy, an angry navy seal recruits his squad to take down the criminal’s organization?piece by piece.”
You can drop the aftermath stuff. It is burying the story a bit and doesn?t give us more specific detail.
Five U.S. sailors rob a loan shark they blame for their friends death but ……
Complications
1] Only rob?? (Surely the loan shark will retaliate,)
2]? Any particular reason why the ensemble has to include five men?? Versus, say, three?? Or two?? ?Or only one?
3] Whatever, there’s gotta be an alpha-male, a guy? who is the default leader of the group.? ?Whoever it is, I suggest the logline be recast with him as the protagonist.