In the distant future: When a naive teen joins the army, his over-protective biker brother must enlist, go through the harsh training, and find the boy so that he can get him out before they’re sent to battle against nightmarish aliens.
The_CNISamurai
In the distant future: When a naive teen joins the army, his over-protective biker brother must enlist, go through the harsh training, and find the boy so that he can get him out before they’re sent to battle against nightmarish aliens.
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How is he going to “GET” him out? Otherwise, I basically dig it. And “overprotective” is fine as a motivation and flaw for a main character. We’ve all been there. Relatable enough! 🙂
Agree with Nir Shelter.? The logic just doesn’t seem to add up.
And somebody has to fight the aliens.? It is a worthwhile cause — isn’t it?? With the naive teen there’s the potential for a positive character arc? as he matures in a battle ready fighter.? What’s the positive character arc for his over-protective brother?
I, for one, would be more interested in a story naive kid who enlists to fight for a noble cause in spite of the odds, in spite of his over-protective brother.
I wanna see a scene where the older brother is trying to find his sibling on the battle field against the aliens on the front line. Rather than trying to get him out before they fight, which has issues pointed out by Nir Shelter, he could request to go to the frontline where he knows his brother is in a bid to save him. Maybe it would also be worth making the brothers have differing views on the war so that the (anti-war) older brother’s eventual arrival at his (pro-war) brother’s side has that much more impact – both for the audience and the younger brother.
When a naive teen enlists and is sent to the front line, his anti-war older brother signs up and volunteers for the front line so he can find his brother on the battlefield and protect him from the nightmarish aliens they’re fighting.
It’s a bit wordy and lacks emotional heft but you get the idea.?
The logic is flawed unless the younger brother enlisted in an elite unit. Once you sign up, the army will send you wherever they need you. You can make a request but it’s not likely to make much of a difference. However, if the brother was able to get accepted into a specialised unit then the older brother has more of a chance to end up on the same base if he too is accepted.
Otherwise, it’s not clear to me how he plans on getting his brother out of service. If his goal is to get his little bro out, him simply being a soldier ain’t going to do it.
In Hair, for example, Burger planned on taking Bukowski’s place for an afternoon as a means of giving him a day off. The logic there was that the commanding officers couldn’t tell the difference between them once in uniform. That’s a minor problem when the unit gets called up to Vietnam and it could be argued that the sergeants sent to ship the men out weren’t familiar with the troops so the logic still works.
Overprotective is normally a negative trait, and since you are using that as the lead character’s motivation, it may be difficult for the audience to pull for the lead character to succeed.
Think of saving private Ryan.
The mom has lost son after son until private Ryan is the only son left
Now we have a motivation the audience can feel. We want? Tom Hanks to succeed in saving the kid.
Why do we want the lead character to succeed?
sounds great to me.
comes down to 30W with this slight edit —
“In distant future: When his naive teen brother joins the army, an over-protective motorist must enlist harsh training to get him out before they’re sent to battle nightmarish aliens”
Good Luck!!