Singularity
Posted: 2016-03-22T07:38:33+10:00 In:

In the spirit of Christmas Eve, an officer lets a drag queen go free. But when the decapitated body turns up in a dumpster, he must find the murderer to clear his name and conscience.

In the spirit of Christmas Eve, an officer lets a drag queen go free. But when the decapitated body turns up in a dumpster, he must find the murderer to clear his name and conscience.
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    7 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      When an alcoholic?married??cop in small town USA passes out in bed with a?drag queen on Christmas Eve and?wakes up spooning?a ?decapitated body, He must solve the murder while keeping the secret from his wife and family.

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    2. Singularity

      You’re the man, Tony!

      Here’s my tweak:

      A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the?killer of a transsexual Hollywood prostitute he set free.
      or
      A guilt ridden jailer breaks all the rules to find the killer of a transsexual prostitute he set free from a L.A. jail on Christmas Eve.

      Jailer because that’s what I was and that’s the “what if….” hook? (maybe)

      And I offer this as an example of the valuable service this web site provides, a fresh point of view when one?gets??so down in the weeds?of his story that?he’s loses sight of?the big picture.? It certainly?happened to me on this story.

      Thanks, Tony.? I owe you one… or two… or three.

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    3. Samurai

      …It’s confusing who the cop set free in my take, the killer, or the drag queen ( I changed to prostitute to allude to a reason for them being under arrest…)?.. But hope it helps. Not sure if it’s written, but I could see this happening over the one night. ?I’m intrigued, especially given the fact that it’s based on a real life experience.

      love to read it/ see it someday — best of luck DPG.

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    4. Samurai

      A guilt ridden rookie cop goes on a personal crusade to find the killer of a transsexual prostitute he set free from a L.A. jail on Christmas Eve.

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    5. Singularity

      Thanks for the prompt and intelligent?feedback, guys.?? It’s exactly what I want.

      One theme of the story is the?cynical saying I often heard while working for?the Los Angeles Police Department, ?that in police work no good deed goes unpunished.

      And I agree with you that the logline reads like just another (yawn) police procedural.? Except it’s inspired by a real incident, a discretionary decision I made one ?night while working the graveyard shift in ?Hollywood.? The “what if…?” has haunted me ever since.? You might say it was the “inciting incident” for my endeavor to become a screenwriter.

      You, of course, had no way of knowing that — nor should you have to know it.? The concept has to stand on its own legs.? And there?have been so many crime/cop films set in the?mean and freaky?streets of “Hollyweird” — what does this story dramatize that hasn’t already been done? a dozen times?

      I think I’ve got a story angle that has never?been done before in a?cop/crime procedural set in L.A. because of the unique position and circumstances ?I was in at the time.?? (And I dare to ?say that having seen every L.A. crime film I’m aware of and having read?most of ?the L.A. cop/crime books by such greats as Joseph Wambaugh and Michael Connelly.) ?But I haven’t?yet figured out how to ?plant it as a hook in a concise ?logline.?

      Again, thanks for the feedback.

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    6. Mentor

      Me too I miss some details about the main plot. The drag queen is the strongest element here (by the way, why was she arrested?). If possible, I won’t go for an “estranged brother” relationship (there are soooo?many estranged brothers/sisters/parents/sons on this website). And why “clear his name”? Is the cop a suspect? ?If so, this could be better said. And about “his conscience”, I don’t think it’s important to mention it in the logline, because it’s kind of evident, and because it’s weak (Maybe it will be clear in the movie, but in the logline I can’t imagine how his concience can be affected by an imprevisible effect of his generosity). One last thing, try to give a characterization to the cop – what is his flow?

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    7. Singularity

      This reads as if the story starts in the middle of the logline, the first sentence isn’t necessary.

      My try:
      After a cop finds the dead body of drag queen he released the night before, he must find the murderer to clear his name and his conscience.

      I can’t say that the concept is gripping, to the lack of a good hook, it is another police procedural flick. Perhaps relate the dead drag queen to the officer and give it more personal stakes. What if the drag queen was the cops estranged brother or lover?

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