Ehsas(Social Justice)
'Inspired by true events; When an underprivileged Pakistani boy is murdered by his richer and more influential counterpart, A rookie lawyer (his best friend) sets on a journey to seek justice against a boy seemingly above the law. As his efforts continue to fail, he must ask himself; is it justice he seeks or revenge?'
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Should this be “man” instead of “boy”? It comes off as an adult movie with adult situations, but boy is throwing me a little. Other than that, very detailed logline.
Yep. man would be better. Thanks.
A logline is supposed to be a statement about the objective goal. “Is it justice or revenge?” is a question not a statement. And it is a question about a moral issue, not the objective goal which is justice.
A story can certainly wrestle with a moral issue, but a logline is about the main action, the objective goal. The objective goal of your protagonist is see justice done. When the justice system fails him, he is confronted with a dilemma: does he forbear a corrupt system or take justice into his own hands? The answer to that question –not the posing of the question — is what the logline should be about.
I like you point DPG, in your evaluation the inciting incident isn’t the murder of his friend but “When justice fails”
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“After failing to extract legal justice for his murdered best friend, a young Pakistani lawyer seeks his own recompense against the powerful, well respected and seemingly untouchable killer.”
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!
If the theme explores the question of whether taking personal revenge can ever be a just act then the failure of the legal system is the inciting incident because it is the event that raises the dramatic question embedded in the theme. Until the legal system fails, the protagonist does not have to wrestle that issue.
If the theme being explored is whether the justice can be had through the legal system, then the inciting incident is the murder because it is the event that raises the dramatic question embedded in that version of the theme. Until his friend is killed, the protagonist doesn’t have to wrestle with the issue of obtaining justice through the legal system.
Though related, they are 2 different themes.
Just wanted to second dpg up there — the moral question, IMO anyway, is always best left as an implication through the stated ACTION of the logline… Not by openly positing the question itself. Those in a position to green light your project determine your abilities as a writer based upon your ability to achieve this in the logline… It shows that the script has potential to be tight, yet deep, and not too ‘on the nose’…
…or more plainly, if there is subtext in the logline, there will most likely be subtext in the script …showing this ability, I would think, increases the trust a potential buyer of your film has in you, and the more trust they have in you the more likely they’d be to want to read your script.
I don’t think the “his best friend” parenthetical is needed.
I feel the story is primarily about the pursuit of justice and his failure to do so at every turn which eventually leads him to take matters into his own hands. With that in mind, Is it possible to explore both themes? the inciting incident or the end of the 1st act being his murder, the end of the 2nd being the failure of the courts and the 3rd when he takes matters into his own hands? It explores different underlying themes this way including the difference between justice and revenge/ The legal framework of Pakistan/ Women’s rights( The man was murdered defending his sister who was being teased by the influential man). What do you guys think? Do you think all this could be encapsulated in one film?
It is possible to pursue both themes and if that’s the story you wish to tell then that’s the story you should tell.
However in the logline, if the main story is pursuit of justice and “seeks revenge” is only in the third act. I would leave the “Seeks revenge” angle out of the logline.
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“After his best friend is murdered, a young Pakistani lawyer seeks justice against the powerful and influential killer who’s seemingly above the law.”
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for your help. Any other suggestions guys? The advice is really helping.
Here is my way of looking at it at the story as described:
The purpose of the logline is to describe the ONE primary action of the story toward ONE objective goal. The action of this story is the struggle toward the objective goal of bringing the guilty to justice. Embedded in the action is a moral premise in the form of a thesis (positive value and corresponding action) and an antithesis (negative value and corresponding action).
The thesis (positive valence) of the moral premise is worked out in the 2nd act by the action to get justice in a corrupt system. That action ends in failure.
Now, the protagonist pursues the SAME objective goal by the antithesis of the moral premise: he takes matters into his own hands. Call it revenge, but revenge is personal justice, street justice — it is still the pursuit of justice.
So what you have is a story that explores the two aspects of one moral premise, two strategies toward one principle objective goal: bring the guilty to justice.
fwiw.