I’m thinking the financially ruined bankers commit suicide or are forced through humiliating and heartbreaking bankruptcy proceedings with their families at the end. Let me know what you think. Thank You!
Intelligent, yet emotionally broken and poor WWI veteran is laughed out of the room when he applies jobs at large banks during the 1920s boom, until he finds a mentor in the head of a near-bankrupt bank who gives him a job and helps him hone his trading skills before the Crash of ?29, when the hero executes a series of very complex trades, designed to take down each of the banks which underestimated him, one by one.
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Great replies so far!
Focusing the story on what the main protagonist wants and how they get it is key here. A no frills way to boil the logline down is to imagine the movie trailer for your film and write 20-25 words describing it. If you read Tony’s version you can almost see the trailer materializing.
Very wordy and grammatically incorrect. Does the WWI Veteran, emotional broken and poor have some significance? Do these things drive the story?
Might I suggest.
The Stock Market Crash of 1929 is on the horizon. A WWI Veteran finds a mentor in the near bankrupt head of a bank. With the help of the banker he executes a series of complex trades designed to take down the bankers that caused his friends ruin.
Nice concept, but way too wordy. Cut it back to under 25 words for a cleaner, clearer logline. I’d suggest figuring out exactly what’s most important to the protagonist, as well as what’s standing in his way, and using that to rework the logline.
hey myoldfavorite.
great idea, nice revenge story. just to much happening.
look for 25-28 words.
For the hero, focus on one fault not two.
russell is right, what happened to make him seek revenge? Banks take his house, illegal activity etc
best of luck
Thanks, now that you said it, I totally agree with you about length and the motive behind wanting to take these banks down. Will post an updated logline soon!
Too wordy. Way too wordy. Cut that thing in half. That said, it’s a great premise. I love it. The first half didn’t really keep me interested, but the second half where he takes down the banks that scorned him before the crash of ’29 got me interested. That’s where the meat is.
Maybe spinning the story in a way that it mirrors The Count of Monte Cristo more. Maybe something happened during WWI that left him broken and poor, and the banks were involved? Being laughed out of the room isn’t enough for someone to go on a ruthless revenge mission to take down huge corporations.