Penpusher
Posted: 2019-03-27T01:38:58+10:00 In:

Is this a valid log line? Or is it too vague and too long?

The Screaming Tunnel – Inspired by true events

Their past malicious investigation strategies have gotten them into trouble. These investigators must return to a place feared and destroy the still born child before possession can take them.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      How relatable are investigators involved in mallicious (intended to harm) strategies?
      More importantly, how does it serve your logline?

      ‘possession’ is vague, in that it’s a vital piece to get their goal; to know what’s stopping them..

      Avoid writing for multiple protagonist. The Goal is given, but it’s unclear why the lead character would be invested in it, i.e., What’s the Inciting Incident?

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      1: Who is the lead character?
      2: What event sets the lead character in motion?
      3: What is the goal of the lead character?
      4: What is standing in his or her way?

      There are some elements missing from your logline. Your lead character seems to be “Investigators”, Not, a nosey paranormal investigator, not an atheist news reporter… Investigator? For an insurance company? For a gossip magazine? A police investigator? An FBI agent? A hard-boiled detective? Give us something the reader can picture in their head.

      Also, what does ‘a place feared’ mean? A graveyard? A spiders den? An eerie cave? A Miley Cyrus concert? I have no idea what ‘a place feared’ looks like on screen. Again give the reader a mental picture.

      You also haven’t told us what specific event set’s the lead character into motion? Instead, you talk about ‘past malicious activity’, but how does that relate to being possessed by a stillborn baby?

      Finally, you give us no hints on how a stillborn baby can possess anyone? You might want to give us a word or two, to at least hint at how a stillborn baby could possess anyone.

      In the end, the logline should answer the 4 questions up above and leave the reader wanting more, It should not lead to confusion and more questions.

      Good luck with your story, it sounds interesting. Everything I have mentioned relates to the logline, and has nothing to do with whether the story itself is good or bad.

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