It's a story about a gamer who is an outsider at school. He doesn't thinks that he fits in. Playing all the war games that he does, he thinks it would be awesome that he would join the army. There he meets a guy who was in the same situation. Only that this guy is ice cold. He doesn't care about other people than himself. He murders innocent people, even if he don't have to. The main character realizes quick that this isn't what he was hoping for. He refuses to kill innocent people.

Hey mate – I’ve commented on another of your loglines earlier. I think we’re seeing similar problems.

First – far too much information about everything in this. And you’ve only described the set up, not the story.

You have a reclusive gamer whose passion for war games drives him to join the military. You’ve got your antagonist – a cold, heartless new recruit. But what is the goal of the main character, and if the other recruit is the antagonist in the story, how does he get in your protag’s way, and what are the stakes if your protagonist fails in his quest?