Swear Bear
Jack loves three things ? his family, pussy and profanity ? when his son drops the c-bomb at school, his wife gives him an ultimatum, sex or swearing.
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Auto-correct on iphone gets `there` wrong but mucks up `anyone`. My bad.
I`m new here so maybe I don`t `get it` yet, but from what I`ve read this is a testing ground for potential films, pre-production.
If so I`d personally love to kill this concept now. To qoute Malcolm Tucker of In The Thick of It, another sweary man; `I`ll come over their and stick it in fucking floatation tank, and pump it full of sewage till it fucking drowns`. I paraphrase.
No decent human bieng is going to allow thier 7 yr old boy to KNOWN the C-word, nevermind rehearse it for a movie. Would you really want to watch such a thing?! I`d avoid such a puerile, immature script by miles.
You play on every clich? and lazy stereotype available, so there`s nothing remotely intriguing to make nyone bother reading. Let me guess, he chooses sex and stops swearing. So what?! He sounds like a parasite. Boohoo he was bullied, he should man up and be a parent. Urgh.
Don`t waste anymore of your life on this – stab it. Burn it. Bury it. And move on. Preferably far, far, far away.
Maybe he means that you need an em-dash (long dash), instead of your short hyphen/dash between the two clauses?
I like what you’re doing.
Thanks, timmyelliot, I have given some insight into why Jack loves swearing so much below…
Thanks, Bryson. Jack is definitely faithful. He is a good man at heart, he developed a penchant for swearing when being bullied at high school. It became his defence mechanism in life to protect himself from being hurt and humiliated again… so his challenge is to actually reveal his true self to the word by not swearing anymore.
Thanks, sharkeatingman, this response may do nothing more than highlight my weakness in spelling and grammar… but could you please point out the grammatical and spelling errors you’re referring to?
The concept for this is good, a challenging choice to save his marriage. The topics, not shocking to me, but as stated above, involving them with children can push away your audience. I am curious…is this an open marriage or one of infidelity?
It reminds me of Lysistrata, except with profanity. My first reaction is, “how can someone love profanity that much?” I’m interested. But it’s not really the story that interests me. It’s more a technical question of how the author is going to pull it off.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge
Rule No. 1 for any logline: it has to contain perfect spelling and be grammatically correct. Personally, I don’t think words like “pussy” and the c-word really fit well with stories involving children, especially 7-yr. olds, so you might experience some real genre issues. I’m not swayed at all on the “shock” value, since nothing really shocks me anymore.
As a logline, it works okay, but to me, the problem is in the concept itself. I think you show that you CAN write a good logline, and that’s what this is all about, I’d guess…
Sorry, that’s meant to read ‘7-year-old son’…
Jack loves three things ? his family, pussy and profanity ? when his 7-year-old son drops the c-bomb at school, his wife gives him an ultimatum, sex or swearing.