Jasmine Cowl and the Salagi Talking Stick
Jasmine Cowl is pissed: 15 ago, she managed to save the world. Now she?s stuck in a boring, life, working for the CIA… not that CIA, the other one. Disgruntled gnomes, talking islands, and a car that seems to have taken a life of its own force themselves into Jasmine?s life as a hunt for a powerful wand turns her life inside out.
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The problem with this logline; it is too long and I still don’t have any idea what the script will be about.
It reads more like the blurb found on the back of a book. Also, I’m guessing you read a lot of Jasper Fforde.
One moment you’re telling us she’s living a boring life, next sentence her life’s turned inside out.
Start with “When”, or “After” or “Before”- it gives the reader an idea of what the protag’s life was life first; the rest will tell us why and how things will change. Discard character’s name; unless they are famous, it’s a waste of valuable logline real estate. You want less than thirty words, if possible…
Got it – thanks for the feedback. As I mentioned in my first log line for a separate project (too short by far), this one is too long. I need to massage it a bit & try to repost. Also, I did read a ton of Fforde, but it was years ago 🙂