Logliner
Posted: 2015-04-04T23:48:14+10:00 In:

Jeopardizing his shot at reaching the "Final Four," a devout star athlete, raised under an assumed identity, must outwit his vengeful, on the lam mother to find his missing dad.

A SHOT AT FAITH

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The math in the logline (and maybe the story) seems too complicated.

      How does her seeking revenge lead to him being removed from the team? What does she do that gets him kicked off the team?

      And why must he find his father? Not just want to find him, but MUST find him — or else? What does he stand to gain by finding his father? What does he stand to lose if he fails? If he’s already off the team, then hasn’t he already forfeited his future in basketball? So what else is at stake? What else is there for him to lose?

      What dramatic problem does finding his father solve?

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    2. Logliner

      His mother mother abducted him when he was two years old to avoid being apprehended by the law for a crime. In my screenplay, she always told her son that he was illegitimate, but as he got older he didn’t believe her. Because he sets out to find his father, she seeks revenge, which translates into him being removed from the team–thanks to his mother. Here is another version of my logline.

      “After discovering he’s been raised under an assumed identity, a prized college recruit’s championship hopes are threatened by his felonious, on the lam mother when he sets out to find his missing dad.”

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      The problem I have with this logline is finding a causal connection between his parents and his prospects for playing in the final 4. How do his problematical folks jeopardize his shot (actually his team’s) at making it to the final 4 (And why stop there?).

      Hasn’t he already stayed on the team and played a winning season even while his mother was the lam, his father missing? Or did they both suddenly go on the lam and missing as March madness was beginning?

      • 0