Model Behaviour
jamesmichaelPenpusher
Jordan Rhodes is an honest detective investigating the heinous murder of a leading talent agent. As he delves into a melting pot of beauty, ego and violence, the stakes are raised when the killer distributes horrific crime-scene photographs to the press, thrusting a reluctant Jordan into the spotlight in a city where everybody wants to be famous.
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Hmm. You had me at ‘…melting pot of beauty, ego…’ But the violence? Meh, it doesn’t thrill me. Still, this premise has promise. Reluctant celebrities in this age of FAME? Really? Interested to see how this character will be drawn. And I have a question… is this story based on the recent murder of a real-life female Hollywood publicist? Truth is definitely stranger than you know what… Good, solid concept here. Judge Foundis
I really like this… It’s vivid and you can just feel what the tone will be, how it will be shot, etc.
Actually, this one is not too bad. It sets up a nice protagonist versus his environment conflict. The protagonist being the rare few in his town who is unassuming and is not out to be a celebrity, despite the fact that he lives and works in a fame-obsessed city. That works at a deep level. In this sense the killer/villain could work as the protagonist’s shadow, as the killer is clearly desirous of causing a sensation (in contrast to the hero’s low-key nature). There is even a suggestion here of the hero having to make a personal transformation to catch and defeat the villain (presumably by him having to deal with publicity despite his private preferences to the contrary).
My only quibble here is that the protagonist-environment contrast should have been made more stark. For example, instead of just calling him an “honest” detective, why not describe him as a “dedicated, stuttering, quiet” one? Taking this one step further, why would not the killer post YouTube videos to deliberately taunt both the police and the populance? Thus setting up the contrast between the two characters even more.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)