IMMORTAL
Left on a mountain to die, a helpless baby survives a deadly Fog. Years later, while seeking a secret Key, Aidan Andrews Maximus maybe losing his soul.
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The logline reads like a bricolage of incidents.
What is the causal link between the 1st sentence and the 2nd? How is the former an inciting incident for the latter? What is the causal, dramatic relationship among the 3 incidents. 1] “left on mountain to die”, 2] “survives a deadly Fog”, 3] “while seeking a secret key”?
>>maybe losing his soul.
What does he do about it? What’s his objective goal?
I think you need to connect these events in some way?
Maybe…
“A.A. Maximus survived being abandoned on a hillside in a deadly fog, but now fears for his life again as, he tries to _____________ and avoid __________.”
Better yet if you can make a direct link between the earlier incident and the current one!
A.A. Maximus is back on the mountain that almost killed him as a child, and he must once again __________ as he ________________ to avoid __________________.
Surviving a deadly Fog as a child was mostly an accident – this time, A.A. Maximus must undercover its origin and do-something-heroic-here to locate the Key that will keep-something-really-horrible-here from happening.
Hope that helps!
You are right. Familiarity breeds blindness!!! Thank you!
Surviving abandonment as an infant, Aidan Andrews Maximus, an unlikely hero, seeks a secret Key that will prevent the ancient families from losing their souls.