Logliner
Posted: 2020-02-25T02:13:12+10:00 In:

Logline: A man marries the woman he drugged and date raped. His journey to get help leaves a trail discovered by her twin sister that forces his wife to make a decision between her husband and her family.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Hi Tomisin,

      I think your logline needs a little reordering:

      • The protagonist seems to be the wife, so I would open with her and the inciting incident of discovering she was drugged and date raped.
      • You don’t need the word ‘logline’ in the title.
      • I don’t think you need the twin sister either, just the wife’s discovery.
      • A decision is ‘yes’ or ‘no’ – it’s too simple to sustain a story over and not a goal. ?You need to decide what the goal is?
      • I’m struggling to see the attraction to the premise – a woman leaving a cheating man? It’s been done so much, that even being date raped feels like an attempt to make it new.
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    2. Singularity

      As Trix said.

      The logline should lead off with the woman, the protagonist, as the victim not the man as the victimizer.? The woman as protagonist is the point of view character so the logline should be framed that way,? from her point of view.? She should be the clear subject of the sentence.

      And a plot (and logline) is not about deciding to decide between X and Y.? Loglines are about the decision made, the course of action taken.

      And I suggest the logline include where the story is set, the country? and/or culture.? Because in modern societies, doping, raping and forced marriages are not just unacceptable, they are criminal acts.

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    3. Singularity

      Just as a technical logline writing point:

      1: I wouldn’t start a logline with the back story.

      2: And along those same lines, I wouldn’t end the story with the lead having to “Make a decision”

      Instead, I would start with the forward story and describe the action, and not the lead characters’ inner struggle. (Inner struggle is great for the script, I’m just talking about the logline)

      “When she discovers her seemingly perfect husband was the one who drugged and raped her ten years ago, a determined housewife must find a way to escape her marriage before her sociopathic partner realizes; she knows.”

      (Something along those lines anyway, not entirely sure of your plot so some of that was just guesswork)

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    4. Penpusher

      Hard to tell who the protagonist is here. If it’s the husband, I would maybe consider including something within the logline that might make him redeemable. The “Make a decision” part is a little vague and could use a bit more specifics to establish clear stakes.

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